It is easy to state what one believes but it is not always so easy when those things are put to the test, or must be put into practice, or when circumstances do not fall into the plans we have for our lives.  It is one thing to say that you believe God to be sovereign but when life doesn’t go the way you think it should it makes one come face to face with that belief.  Do I really believe that God is sovereign and even though I do not see the good can I trust that God knows what is best?

I am going through this once again.  We are preparing for an unwanted move.  If it were up to me, I would NEVER leave Alaska.  Our next assignment (which I am not sharing at this time) is not one that I am looking forward to.  Not only are we going to have to move from my beloved Alaska but we are moving to the one place I DIDN’T want to go!  Not only are we moving but we are moving earlier than anticipated because it is a special assignment.  This messes up all of my plans for late spring and early summer.  It is also a shorter than normal assignment so I have another back to back move to look forward to.  It interferes with graduating children too.  We may not even have time to get our house ready to put on the market and will need to be renting it out.  Long, LONG, distant landlords was not necessarily appealing to us.  Not to mention, we will have no snow!  To top it all off we will be leaving behind our eldest child.  We will be a long way away!

BUT,

I DO believe that God is sovereign!  I know that he has a plan for us and that I do not always see the big picture.  I know that God can tell that I am a little confused and in disagreement with his plans at the moment but I am still trusting.  I am trying to get my children to understand and to trust, all the while struggling with it myself.

This is where the rubber meets the road.  Will I trust even though it doesn’t seem best to me?  OR, Will I fight and fight the whole way?  I really do not have the energy to fight and I have learned along the way that God doesn’t change what is best for me just so I can have what I think might be best.  Not to mention, that if I were honest, I would never want him to anyway.  I simply wish that my ways were his ways.  Isn’t that horrible!!!!  This is where prayer comes in.  I do not even want that kind of thinking and desire in my heart.  I should want HIS ways to be my ways not the other way around!

This is part of the military life that many do not talk about.  Most military families love the moving and the adventure.  OR at least they say they do!  It is fun moving and going new places and seeing new things but I am one who grew up in the same small town and see the benefits of living that way.  It is becoming more and more of a struggle for me to pack up and move.  I am one of those rare or at least seemingly rare military wives that struggles with the “pack it up and move on” kind of lifestyle.  Is it a bad thing that I struggle?  I don’t think so.  Do I wish that I didn’t have this struggle almost every time we move?  Of course.  But God teaches me through each of these moves to trust him more and more for numerous things.  It tests my faith each and every time.  Some times it is easier than other times. Sometimes harder.  This is one of those harder times.

I continue to remind myself of the great God that I serve, of his love not only for me but for my entire family.  I try to rest in who he is!  I remind myself that he is indeed sovereign and I am simply, me.  His wisdom far exceeds my own and I must trust him!  I will trust him!  I even need to trust him to help me to follow him with a cheerful heart even when he leads me where I do not want to go.

I will share more about our new assignment later.  For now, please just pray for me to have a cheerful heart concerning this move.  Momma tends to set the tone for the whole family and most of the children are struggling as well.

God is good.  This assignment will be what is best.  I desire to be open to God’s best for our lives.  I pray my own will, heart, and desires will fall in line and that my trust in my Savior will grow more and more through this journey.

Many will say, “Oh, come on, it is just a move!” …….. Well, for right now, I think it is much more……… It is an opportunity (though one I didn’t ask for) to grow, trust, and hopefully to cheerfully pass the test of the rubber meeting the road!

The day finally came! And it came earlier than we had anticipated!  My hubby is home from Afghanistan!  All the children except our oldest (he had to work) went to the airport with me.  We waited for  a while and the children were a little restless as they waited but they did a good a job.

One lady who arrived from a different flight saw my daughter holding the sign we had specially made for our reunion.  She approached her and told her to please give her dad a big hug and kiss for her and to say thank you and that many were very proud of him.  It caused my daughter a bit of a shock.  After all who is this strange lady asking her to kiss her dad for her.  LOL  But it made me cry and I told the the lady would we tell him and thank you.

I was a little concerned about whether the youngest ( not quite two years old yet) would remember her daddy.  Skype is an amazing tool and I think it helped a lot in this regard.  One of my older daughters was taking photos so we didn’t get the shot I would have liked to have had.  It was priceless to me and I will remember it forever.  When her daddy came walking toward her, the three siblings closest in age to her went running.

She stood there in what seemed like shock with her arms outstretched for a several seconds before she could even seem to get her feet to move!  Then she went running into her daddy’s arms.  She recognized him and was so thrilled to see her daddy!

We are all so very glad to have our family back together again.  It seems a bit strange to be honest.

Hubby is adjusting to being back in the states.  He is still adjusting to the cooler weather here at home. Things like walking into a grocery store seem strange to him.  Not hearing the big guns on a regular basis and not having sand filled air seems strange to him.  He has forgotten which drawer the silverware is kept in.  But he is glad to be home and we are so glad to have him home.  He is still not sleeping well.  So pray for him. Between the time difference and his Afghanistan dreams sleep has been difficult.

He has also jumped right in at home.  He was surprised at the amount of lightbulbs that needed to be changed. (hanging my head in shame, LOL)  He has done several small repairs already.  One thing that is strange to me but also a nice break is that our youngest has changed from crying out for Momma in the middle of night to crying out for Daddy.

So, he is home and life is grand.  Blogging may be a bit sparser than usual just because we are enjoying time together as a family. Hubs gets two weeks off and we plan on enjoying every minute of it together.

“Welcome home Dear, we love you and are so very, very happy to have you home!”

I thought that I would share an update. First let me say that I am so glad that this deployment will soon be coming to an end! We have had six months of what seems to be almost constant stress and mini crisis. If it isn’t one thing going wrong it is another. The Lord has been so gracious to us though. He has provided us with a church family that has showered us with the love of Christ. It has been YEARS since we have seen the love of Christ flow in this manner toward our family! I am so thankful!

We have been separated 177 days. We have approximately 35 days to go (maybe a week more–who knows for sure). I was hoping that the home stretch would snowball and pass quickly but that does not seem to be the way of things. The days seem to be growing longer even as the Alaska days are growing shorter. How does that happen??? Maybe we are too anxiously awaiting my husband’s return but it is hard to do otherwise.

So we are doing what we can. Keeping busy with our school lessons and a multitude of extra curricular activities hoping to pass the time more quickly. We are trying to enjoy the beautiful September days before the snow begins to fall.

But what is my hubby up too? Good question. He doesn’t really share much with me about what he is dealing with over there. We will have plenty of time to discuss that when he gets home if he is ready to share. Every now and then the PRT (Provincial Reconstruction Team in Kunar Province) shares a little of what is going on. Hubby told me about this the other day and it was nice to read an article with hubby quoted and a photo of him at work, even if it is a back shot!

Here is the article on the Kunar team commemorating Patriot Day and the ninth anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks on New York City’s Twin Towers, the Pentagon and those lost in Shanksville, Pa.

Please take a moment to pop over and read the short article. Make sure to leave me a comment today too! Your comments always make me smile!

Hubby decided to go shopping.
Who knew they had a Wal*Mart even in Afghanistan? Hehe

It seems that when my hubby is gone if something can go wrong it will go wrong.  There have been so many stressful things that have happened since he left.  On top of just being without him it has been doubly hard with all of the added stressers.  I am thankful though that I have a Lord and Savior who reminds me that he is here and I am not alone.  It is still hard to deal with the stress though.  There are days when I know I am not dealing very well with it, I pray for strength to go on.  Then there are days that seem to be almost stress free, I praise God for an easier day.  Then there are those days when I think I am fooling everyone (hehe-yeah right).

This past Sunday was one of those days when I thought I had it all together and was fooling everyone.  As I was speaking with a friend and she made the comment that she could see the stress on my face.  What??  I thought I had it all covered up!

Image by angelsk via Flickr

At first, I was not overly happy that it was showing  but then I began to be thankful.  I was thankful that someone noticed!  It is hard when no one seems to notice or even care!  We military wives are expected to just suck it up and get over it!  That is often easier said than done. It is nice to have someone tell you that you don’t have to be tough all the time and that it is okay to struggle. I tell you, if it was not for my amazing church family here (and one neighbor) I would have no support.  I am so thankful for my church family here and how I can always count on them! I am thankful for how they step in and meet our needs.   I am thankful for how they encourage me, how they remind me to point my focus back on the Lord when I begin to focus more on my circumstances. I am so thankful for the friends that I have there!  I am thankful that  they notice and they care when I have had a rough week!  They have truly shown the love of Christ to our family.

Since my hubby left I have spent so much more time in prayer!  That is a good thing!  I have not had my hubby to depend on and it has forced me to rely more and more on my Savior!  Sometimes though it is good to have that physical hug from a friend.  I am glad that I have that with my church family.  I am thankful that the Lord provided me a family here.

So let me challenge you.  If you have military families where you live (well anyone for that matter).  Take time to notice and take time to care.  If you can see stress on their faces be an encouragement don’t just turn and walk away. Make sure to remember them, their situation, and their struggles throughout the separation not just in the first month. Sometimes just noticing and genuinely caring can make all the difference in their day!

Please leave a comment and share some ways that you encourage others or what others have done to encourage you.

This Weeks Post Was Suggested By Greta

This weeks post is a little different from the norm. It’s honoring the 13 Men and Women who were awarded the Presidential Citizens Medal. People like George J. Weiss Jr. A World War II veteran who has made it his mission to provide military honors to deceased veterans at Fort Snelling National Cemetery in Minneapolis. And Susan Retik who, after she lost her husband on September 11, 2001, started an organization called Beyond the 11th to help women in Afghanistan. And the person Greta wanted to honor. MaryAnn Phillips of Soldiers’ Angels Germany who has made it her mission to help wounded service Men and Woman medevaced to Landstuhl Regional Medical Center. You can read about MaryAnn Phillips’s nomination here. These brave men and women sacrifice so much in their lives so that others may enjoy the freedoms we get to enjoy everyday. For that, I am proud to call them Hero. We Should Not Only Mourn These Men And Women Who Died, We Should Also Thank God That Such People Lived This post is part of the Wednesday Hero Blogroll. For more information about Wednesday Hero, or if you would like to post it on your site, you can go here.

Struggling here a little bit.  This is our longest deployment and I am learning new things.  The Lord can really use a time like this to stretch and grow his children.  With my hubby gone I really have no one to count on, except the Lord.  It makes me realize how much I depend on my hubby and how often I bypass the Lord and trust in my hubby instead.  I am forced now more that ever to trust God and to pray.  That is a good thing.  Though the situations that draw us to our knees are not always comfortable.

I have also noticed something about longer deployments.  There are cycles.  I don’t know if this is true for everyone but it is proving to be so around here.  We will be doing just fine and then wham!  We are hit with another wave of sadness, loneliness, grieving, and heavy concern.  The children will be extra cranky and teary eyed.  I will anxious, easily frustrated, feel a deep sense of loneliness and sadness.  I just want to crawl into bed and stay there.  Thankfully, my life does not afford me that much freedom and I am forced to go on.

I am not like this all the time.  In fact, I am not like this most of the time.  It only lasts for a few days to a week and then I am okay and doing rather well.  Thankfully, the children and I are on different cycles too.  So, I am able to comfort them when I am in a good frame of mind.  These cycles tend to come about every 4-6 weeks.

Why is it that no one told me about this?  That I should expect it?  Maybe it is something that is just unique to us but somehow I cannot imagine that to be the case.

Maybe things differ with the amount of support one receives.  I do have a great church family and a few good friends who check in on me.  I often wonder how families with no support and without the Lord handle things.  I think of way back before technology.  How did the families of WWII handle the lack of communication?!  What I endure cannot even compare to that!  I get to be in contact with my hubby a few times a week.

Now before you start thinking I am having a pity party, I AM NOT!  I am not looking to make my situation seem worst than anyone else, though there are circumstances that are unique to my hubby’s position that do have added concerns.  I am not saying poor me, we DID sign up for this.  Serving our country is an honor!

I am simply saying that sometimes this whole, “Hubby is in the war zone” thing is hard!

I am so very thankful for those who are supportive and caring.  I do however get really tired of the “Suck it up and get over it” attitude that is given off by many, many, many a person though. Sadly, that attitude is given off by those who you would think would be the most supportive.

That is all.  There is my struggle and there is my rant.

I pray that today is a better day than yesterday and that the Lord will guide me and give me wisdom in ministering to my children today.  I am thankful that the Lord is a father to the fatherless.  May my children see that during this time of separation and may I be able to help them to see that.  I pray that the Lord continues to work mightily through the ministry of my hubby in Afghanistan and that He would be his shield and protection.

Just in case you might be wondering, I thought I would share my hubby’s living situation with you.  Here are some shots of his living quarters in Afghanistan.  Have you ever felt boxed in?  Probably not quite like this…… there is nothing like living in a plywood crate!

The building he is in.

The long hall to his room.

One side of his room.

The other side and his bed.

***I cannot share many photos of where hubby is for security reasons but I received the okay to share these.   ***

Hubby finished his predeployment training and has been living in a hotel room for the last week to ten days.  He has been gone for three weeks already.  He was supposed to leave the country and head for his deployment site this past Wednesday but due to an uprising in one of the countries he was to be traveling through flying out was postponed.

He has gone back and forth from the airport to the hotel and back for the last several days awaiting his flight out of the country.  Yesterday, he was able to at least spend part of his day at an art museum and someone at the restaurant gave him a gift card thanking him for his service.  It is such an encouraging thing to meet other Americans who appreciate the sacrifice.

I had been a bit frustrated that he wasn’t on his way yet.  Because it is just added days to our separation.  His deployment time doesn’t start until he is actually in place.  I would like him to be back in time for the birth of our baby and I tend to go early.  This added time is not what we desire or need.  I am though very thankful that they are keeping him safe and rerouting his travel.

He called me last night saying that things were finally being worked out and that he would indeed be flying out.  He informed me of the new route.  I had a message from him this morning via email letting me know he had made the second stop along the way.

So, I am glad that he is on the move.  I have been anxiously awaiting to get on with it so he can come home.  So, when he told me he was actually flying out that night, I was a bit surprised at the huge, deep sinking feeling in my gut!  My anxiety level rose and a lump developed in my throat.  I was NOT prepared for that physical reaction and I do not like being caught off guard.  And after all, it was what I wanted and had been preparing for for the last several days but often the reality is not what we anticipate.

I am keenly aware of the fact that I am dealing with pregnancy hormones as well.  Lord, help me to keep things in check even amidst runaway hormone levels!

I do think though that I am just finally having to deal with the danger level he is about to face and it frightens and saddens me a bit. It is concerning to me that he cannot carry a weapon.  That is one element most do not have to consider.  I am so very thankful though that the Lord God Almighty is his shield.  I pray each and every day for his protection.  I pray for the Lord to calm fears and anxieties all around.  I trust him.  I am still concerned but concern can be a good thing, it compels us closer to the one and only who is sovereign over all!   That I have such a great God to cling to brings abundant comfort.

Why on earth people want socialized health care is beyond me!  That is basically what we have in the military.  It is a job benefit for those who are serving their country in the armed forces. I am thankful for the benefit but totally frustrated and I would never want to place someone in this system and I definitely would not want to pay for anyone and everyone to have that type of coverage.

Let me share with you a bit of my morning dealing with the socialized medicine system.   My daughter has been sick for the last two days.  Low grade fever, cough, stuffy nose.  This morning she awoke wheezing, having a little difficulty breathing, stomach protruding and retracting a small amount, and pain under her ribcage due to the strained breathing.  We have dealt with the many a time since she was little.  She is not super sick yet.  She usually tends to get worse though rather than better and I wanted to catch things earlier rather than later and not have to spend a day in the ER by waiting for it to get worse.

So a responsible parent would take their child to the doctor.  I pick up the phone and call the appointment line.  Yes, not a receptionist at a doctors office.  An automated press one for family health, press two for peds, and so on……

After about a 15 minute wait I am able to speak with the appointment maker.  I answer about 3-4 verifying questions: social security number, address, phone, child’s birthdate…..Then they want to know why she needs to be seen.  So I go through all of her symptoms.  I am told I need to speak to the triage nurse and am place on hold and transferred.  At least there is good patriotic music to listen to.

The phone is answered.  It is the triage nurse manager.  He is to set up a file to pass on to the triage nurse.  So I go through all the verifying information again and all of her symptoms again.  I am placed on hold and transferred once again.

Triage nurse picks up.  Let’s verify your information again.  Now what seems to be the problem?  Again I go through all the symptoms.  She asks a few a question, then a few more.  She tells me to just go to the ER!  I said, “She is not nearly THAT sick!  I simply need an appointment BEFORE she gets to be that sick.”  The nurse cops a big attitude with me and proceeds to tell me what I said previously.  She obviously misunderstood something I said.  I graciously told her “apparently I miss understood” trying to calm her a bit.  So we then went back and forth over the definition of “severe”.  How she said I told her my child was in severe pain when I did not!   Finally, after about 15-20 minutes with this nurse she tells me that my daughter does need to be seen and in the next 24 hours. She transfers me back to the original appointment line.  Great patriotic music……..

Pick up….”Yes, I just spoke with the triage nurse and she said my daughter needs an appointment.” I am thinking to myself…I just told you that 45 minutes ago but what do I know, I am only the parent who lives with her 24/7.

Oh, wait…verifying information, symptoms again, did the nurse give you a time frame she needs to be seen in? I say yes, 24 hours.  The lady then proceeds to tell me that they have no appointments available and that she will need to transfer me to the nurse!  I tell her I just spent 20 minutes speaking with a nurse!  I am then informed that she was only the triage nurse and that I had to speak with a nurse in the clinic.  I asked her if she would just give me a referral to go to an off base walk in clinic like they had done in the past.  I am informed they are no longer authorized to refer us out and that I will need to wait for the floor nurse to call me back.

I asked her when they are going to get back to me.  The nurse has up to three duty days to call me back.  Now it is Thursday which means that three duty days is actually five days because of the weekend.  I told her to hold on and wait a minute.  I was just told by a nurse that my daughter needed to be seen within the next 24 hours but you have up to three (actually five) days to get back to me so I can have an appointment!!!   She says yes that is correct but that she would “put a note” on our file to try and expedite things!  If your child gets worse before they contact you, just go to the ER!

Well, after about an hour on the phone I simply say, “Thank you very much for nothing.”

Depending on when and IF they get back to me to make actually give us an appointment, we may end up in the ER anyway.  Which of course is much more $$$ placed on the taxpayer than just letting me have an appointment!

For all who think socialized health care is the way to go……I sure hope you are not disappointed when you can’t get an appointment!!!  Oh, and just a side note….from an appointment I had months ago, you have to get approval for a second opinion too!  I hope you like jumping through hoops.

UPDATED: The clinic nurse DID call! I am amazed, I have had times when calls were not returned.  She said my daughter obviously needed an appointment but they were filled up all the way through tomorrow too.  I asked if I could just take her to an urgent care clinic and she said she doesn’t know why they didn’t just send me there already.  I told her they said they were not authorized to do so and I had to wait for her to call me.  She said, “WHAT, are you kidding me?”  Ummmm…NO!  I told her I was tired of the run around and wanted my daughter seen!  She was so nice and is currently working on a referral for me!  Just another example of how the bureaucracy  gets in the way and when you get to the actual nurse in the doctor’s office patients get treatment!

Thank you Lord that my daughter will get the care she needs before becoming deathly ill and needing to be hospitalized!!

UPDATED: Well, she has walking pneumonia and is on antibiotics and regular breathing treatments.  Thankfully, she was able to be treated today or we really would have ended up in the hospital in a few days! Thank you Lord!