Hug From A Stranger

As you may have noticed I haven’t posted in several days.  It has been a bit of a tough week for me.  I was having one of those weeks where my strong, hold it together personality started to unravel.  Sometimes things need to be dealt with without simply trying to cover it with a smile.  Anticipation can be a wonderful thing if what you are anticipating is a welcome thing.  Anticipation can also be a terrible thing that turns into dread.  The latter is what I was dealing with this past week.

My hubby has been tasked to deploy several times and it has been pulled.  He has a new tasking now that looks as if it will definitely  happen.  The thing is that each time it gets changed the deployment becomes less palatable.  He is set to deploy in late spring and will begin all of the required trainings in preparation after the first of the new year.

With all of the trainings and other things involved he will be gone about a total of 7 months or a little more this coming year.  He will miss the entire summer, leaving with snow on the ground and returning to snow on the ground.  He will miss the bear hunt and caribou hunt we had planned.  He will miss the big fishing trip.  He will miss our summer jaunts around this great land.  He will also miss the Iditarod, Furrondy, Ice Festivals, and visiting company.  What breaks my heart is that he will miss our 20th anniversary. (We had always been planning on having a wedding to renew vows –since we eloped years ago)  I will also be missing my 20 year high school reunion because I am not willing to be that far away and leave the children here alone.

But you know, even though this is all sad and something I really do not want to do, it is ok.  That is part of the military life.  We sacrifice for the freedoms we still have.  This is not what is really bothering me.

As time gets closer we hear more and more details.  This past week some of those details have unnerved me.  We have found out the location. ( well, as exact as we are allowed to know in that region)  With my hubby being a chaplain he is not authorized to carry a weapon.  He is dependent on others for his protection. People in the office are not very tactful or sensitive when it comes to talking about it with me around.

This deployment is such that it has me very concerned about whether or not my hubby will return.  I find that I am asking myself such questions as, “Is this going to be our last Christmas?”  You may think this is the case with every deployment.  It is not.  We have been in this situation before and I have never even felt the need to contemplate this.

I find it very hard to share this because I often have the burden of people thinking I need to just put up a strong front and let everything roll off my back like water on a duck.  I may be a strong person but that doesn’t mean that I do not struggle.  I just often struggle without others really knowing about it or I end up receiving lectures from others rather than them really being willing to be a comfort to me.

Before anyone decides to slap me with scripture let me assure you I am doing the same thing to myself.  I was sharing with a lady at my daughters’ ballet class the other day.  I was sharing and telling her that I am so thankful that the Lord is our strong tower.  That even though hubby cannot carry a weapon and is going to one of the most dangerous places, I know it is the Lord who is his protector.  I know that the Lord has not given us a spirit of fear and I know that worrying does not change a thing.  I have confidence in my Lord.  This does not mean that emotions always fall in line the way I want them to.

This sweet lady with tears in her eyes gave me a big hug and said she would be praying for our family.  I barely know this woman.  Her hug though meant so much especially then.    It made me think—–how many others are there in this world that need a hug from a stranger–how many people just need to know that someone cares?

Once again, in ministering to me through this other Christian lady the Lord revealed to me the need to minister to others.

Lord, calm my fears.  Protect my family.  Help me to focus on you, rest in you, rely and depend upon you.  Let me see the needs of others and offer the needed hug of a stranger to another.  Amen

Also Check out this posting I saw today. Connecting Through Power of a Hug.