Struggling here a little bit.  This is our longest deployment and I am learning new things.  The Lord can really use a time like this to stretch and grow his children.  With my hubby gone I really have no one to count on, except the Lord.  It makes me realize how much I depend on my hubby and how often I bypass the Lord and trust in my hubby instead.  I am forced now more that ever to trust God and to pray.  That is a good thing.  Though the situations that draw us to our knees are not always comfortable.

I have also noticed something about longer deployments.  There are cycles.  I don’t know if this is true for everyone but it is proving to be so around here.  We will be doing just fine and then wham!  We are hit with another wave of sadness, loneliness, grieving, and heavy concern.  The children will be extra cranky and teary eyed.  I will anxious, easily frustrated, feel a deep sense of loneliness and sadness.  I just want to crawl into bed and stay there.  Thankfully, my life does not afford me that much freedom and I am forced to go on.

I am not like this all the time.  In fact, I am not like this most of the time.  It only lasts for a few days to a week and then I am okay and doing rather well.  Thankfully, the children and I are on different cycles too.  So, I am able to comfort them when I am in a good frame of mind.  These cycles tend to come about every 4-6 weeks.

Why is it that no one told me about this?  That I should expect it?  Maybe it is something that is just unique to us but somehow I cannot imagine that to be the case.

Maybe things differ with the amount of support one receives.  I do have a great church family and a few good friends who check in on me.  I often wonder how families with no support and without the Lord handle things.  I think of way back before technology.  How did the families of WWII handle the lack of communication?!  What I endure cannot even compare to that!  I get to be in contact with my hubby a few times a week.

Now before you start thinking I am having a pity party, I AM NOT!  I am not looking to make my situation seem worst than anyone else, though there are circumstances that are unique to my hubby’s position that do have added concerns.  I am not saying poor me, we DID sign up for this.  Serving our country is an honor!

I am simply saying that sometimes this whole, “Hubby is in the war zone” thing is hard!

I am so very thankful for those who are supportive and caring.  I do however get really tired of the “Suck it up and get over it” attitude that is given off by many, many, many a person though. Sadly, that attitude is given off by those who you would think would be the most supportive.

That is all.  There is my struggle and there is my rant.

I pray that today is a better day than yesterday and that the Lord will guide me and give me wisdom in ministering to my children today.  I am thankful that the Lord is a father to the fatherless.  May my children see that during this time of separation and may I be able to help them to see that.  I pray that the Lord continues to work mightily through the ministry of my hubby in Afghanistan and that He would be his shield and protection.

Those of us who are true believers in Christ who pursue holiness and godliness we will at one time or another suffer persecution for our faith.   The ways of God are not the ways of this world and because of that conflict will arise.  Unfortunately, sometimes the persecution even comes from others within the church.  There are even those who see the amount of persecution they endure to be a mark or measuring stick of their holiness.  This lends itself to an attitude that focuses on self rather than the Lord.  Those people not only welcome persecution but sometimes even are the instigators.  Have you ever heard of being your own worse enemy??

Here is my pondering thought for you today.

There is true persecution and suffering but………

Consider this, sometimes it isn’t persecution you are suffering but the result of strife you may be sowing. It takes a very humble heart to be open to the Spirit, to recognize this, repent, and realign our focus on the Lord.  He is our standard and not our perceived level of persecution.

Your thoughts?

I am not so sure it is considered in good form or not to repost an entire blog post from somewhere else but I thought that this was definitely worth sharing. It was posted on the Ligonier Ministry Blog today.  That is a great place for solid, toe-stepping yet encouraging Biblical guidance.  This is one I read today that I think everyone should read often.  (I am not thinking of anyone in particular, I was too busy rubbing my own sore toes).  We often take our sin more lightly than we should.  It is easy to point fingers and say we are not as bad as so and so.  That is an easy way to justify our own actions but it is not what we are called to do.  We are called to a higher standard than each other.  We are called to repent.

Lord, forgive me for where I have failed you, for thinking more highly of myself than I ought, for focusing on the apologies I should receive (and may never get) and remember to give the ones I owe.  May I bring honor and glory to your name.  Amen

Now for the article.  Watch your toes!

Repent, For the Kingdom of God

December 4, 2009 @ 6:40 AM | Posted By: Tim Challies
by R.C. Sproul, Jr.

How quick are you to repent? If you're anything like me, you've just this moment added several more things to repent of. First, pride. I suspect that you, if you are like me, think yourself a pretty decent repenter. You likely wish that others would learn from your wonderful example, and do likewise. Indeed, now that I mention it, you can think of several people that owe you an apology, and aren't you the one for being so gracious about it up until now?

Second, lying. I suspect that you, if you are like me, have in thinking all of the above, lied to yourself in an egregious way. You are deluded, your delusions springing forth from your deceitful heart like so many dandelions on a spring day. Third, pride again. Here your pride is less about you and more about Jesus. That is, our failure to understand what failures we are is in turn a reflection on the work of Christ. We diminish His work on our behalf when we diminish the scope of our own sin. Fourth, unrepentance. That is, because you are a bigger sinner, like me, than you are willing to face, you have not repented for your sins like you ought. You have repented lightly for dark sins.

What should you do? You could get mad at me for pointing this all out. Or, you could repent.

You could ask that God would forgive you for thinking too highly of yourself. Ask that He would empower you to be swift to see your own sins, and swift in turn to confess them both to Him and to those that we wrong. You could ask that you might have earned the right to have etched on your gravestone, “He was quick to repent.” And you could thank God for His provision of His Son, so that we can be forgiven. You could ask Him to gently remind you, each time you find yourself unhappy about the sins of your family, your neighbors, your fellow parishioners from your church, your parents, your elders, that such would be a prompt to you to honestly assess your own weaknesses. That we are sinners is a problem solved by the coming of Jesus the Savior. That we don't know we are sinners, that is a problem for the Holy Spirit, who convicts, and sanctifies.

The answer to every problem is simple–repent and believe the gospel.

As frustrating as our own blindness might be, the light has come into the world. As maddening as our weaknesses might be, the Sovereign One has come and dwelt among us. As embarrassing as our pride might be, the one who is poor in Spirit has sent the Spirit to lead us into all truth, including the ugly truth about ourselves.

The coming year is likely to bring political unrest. Were I a betting man, I would guess in turn that it will be a year filled to the brim with economic hardship. We can expect to see more cultural decline. All of which will be for nothing if we do not learn the first lesson, to repent and believe.

Before we take over the levers of power, before we dominion our way back to prosperity, before we press the crown rights of King Jesus over the culture, may we remember the crown of thorns, and repent. And when we have repented, let us repent again for the anemia of our repentance. Then, let us believe that He is at work in us, both to do and to will His good pleasure. And all these things will be added unto us.

via Repent, For the Kingdom of God | Ligonier Ministries.

I thought blogging was supposed to be fun.  It is a way to share our thoughts and our convictions.  It is a way to meet like-minded people and to encourage one another.  I am fully aware of the fact that many people (even those who should be like-minded) disagree.  It seems to me though that if you are not big enough to take a little criticism and to take it with dignity then you should maybe reevaluate your motives.  I do not mind criticism, after all,  healthy discussion brings about growth.  What I do object to is the underhandedness, dirtiness, mean spirited, name calling, slanderous parties out there!

I know that where there is conflict we do not always behave in the best manner.  I have had situations in the past which have risen from disagreements in convictions.  Some I handled well with grace and dignity and others I did not but dealt with them in a rather sinful manner.  In those cases where I did not handle things in a godly manner I have repented, asked for forgiveness from those involved, and done what works I could to make amends.  I have learned that in all cases of conflict I should flee to the Lord and beseech him to grant me wisdom, clarity of heart and mind, and graciousness even amidst difficult conversations.   I am not the best at this but am growing.

Some situations clear up easily and others do not.  Sometimes that is because of differences in personalities, differences in how to resolve issues, differences in convictions and beliefs,  an unwillingness or inability due to insecurity to let others disagree, unrepentant or perceived unrepentant hearts.  All this to say, conflicts arise and they may even be over very important issues but when one takes that conflict and rather than trying to resolve things in a godly manner begin to slander and back stab all the while justifying their actions, that is just plain sinful!  I am currently watching another one of these situations unfold online and it breaks my heart.  I see the godly character of those involved.  I fully realize that I may not be seeing the whole picture and not know everything that each individual is doing but I do see the underhanded vengeful things that are being done to them and know that these actions are not godly.

If you have a disagreement with someone here is a word of advice from one who has been there.  Make sure you are confident enough in your convictions to be ok with the fact that people may and most likely at some point will disagree with you.  Remember it is not your job to change their minds or their hearts; that is up to the Lord.  Most importantly, be willing to hear them, learn from them, and be willing to admit you are wrong!  You just might be!  Try to speak with grace even if you have words that are difficult to hear. There is nothing wrong with speaking boldly but try to have a heart of humility not arrogance.  The other party may not recognize that you are acting from a heart of grace and humility but you still need to make sure that the motives of your heart are godly.  Approach the situation with the idea that others are trying to act from godly motives as well.  They may not be but give them the benefit of the doubt.  Earnestly request wisdom, a clean and pure heart, mind, and speech from the Lord.  It is so easy to get caught up in who is right and who is wrong that you loose sight of behaving in a godly manner.  Do not fall into that trap.  Learn when you have said enough and leave the outcome of changing hearts, minds, and actions to the work of the Holy Spirit.

Pray that the Lord will reveal areas in which you may need to repent concerning the conflict.  Make sure that when you repent of those things that you also ask for forgiveness from the others involved.  Be specific too so they are fully aware of the fact that you acknowledge your part (and what that was) in the conflict and are truly repentant.  This is not necessarily required but it goes a long way to bringing healing, reconciliation, forgiveness, and humility.

I do not have a close relationship with my father.  I never have.  My parents divorced when I was only a year old.  I can probably count on one hand how many visits with my father I remember in my lifetime.  Each of those visits was so very special to me.  I longed for my father.  I often had visiting times with my grandmother.  Those were some of the dearest times to me in my childhood.  My step-mother would come and see me with my brother almost every time I came to visit my grandmother.  My father, however, was rarely there.  I am not going to get into the whole sticky mess of why that was.  The point here is that I really knew my step-mother more than my father.  She always made a point to tell me that my father loved me and that she was so glad to see me.  The fact that I was not even her daughter but she treated me as if I was meant a lot me.  She loved me and I loved her.

The summer before last we made our first visit to my father’s house.  My grandmother had died a few months before and I was very grieved to have not seen her before her passing, it had been almost 11 years since seeing her.   The visit was an important one to make.  Having gone so long without seeing my grandmother and then having her die gave me a more accurate assessment of how much time had passed since I had been back to that neck of the woods.  My husband and children had never even met my father.  I had not seen him since I was sixteen.  So we went for a visit.  It was a strange visit as you can imagine.  I am so glad that we went though.

This past week was a hard one.  Not only was my entire family down with the flu but I received a letter I had not desired to receive.  It was a package from my father.  In the big envelope was another envelope along with a letter.  I had recently sent new photos of the children and he now had my new address.  I had just assumed that if they sent anything to me, which I did not anticipate , it would be forwarded to our new address.  One thing the letter said was that he was sorry about just sending the envelope but he couldn’t bring himself to open it again.  This left me looking at the envelope dreading having to open it and see what was inside.  In fact, I think I already knew.

I looked at the envelope to see why I never received it.  The post office did indeed forward the envelope.  There was the forwarding address sticker right on the front.  However, they forwarded it to some address that was not mine.  Apparently, whoever received it sent it back.

I opened the envelope that had been originally sent months and months ago.  As I pulled the contents out of the package and saw the face of my step-mother I began to shake and cry.  It was a funeral announcement and a clipping from the newspaper with her obituary on it.  It was what I had dreaded and thought it would be.  I do not even know how she died.  It doesn’t really matter.  I looked at the dates.  She had died at the end of May.  I found out almost 6 months later due to a mistake at the post office.

After a day or two I began to realize that even though the mistake at the post office and the fact that my father did not have my phone number delaying the news was causing great grief I began to see the grace of God in the whole situation.  I looked at the dates and came to the realization that she died only about a week before my other grandmother had died.  I would have had to deal with fresh grief of both of their deaths at the same time.  I was spared that task.  Even though I wish that I had known earlier I am thankful that the Lord allowed me time in between to rest and heal and the time to grieve for each of them separately.

Even when we do not understand, even if we do not see at first, even in the midst of bad circumstances, God is gracious and not always in the ways we expect.  For that, I am thankful.  I am thankful for my step-mother, that God brought her into my life, and that even though there is the pain of delay, I am thankful to be able to grieve for her.  I am thankful I did not have to grieve for her at the same time I was grieving for my grandmother.  The pain would have been too great.  God is my comfort and my strength, He grants grace in times of grief.

May the Lord continue to open the eyes of those who promote death.  Abby Johnson, former Planned Parenthood director who now protests against the horrific procedure of abortion.  This is an interview with Mike Huckabee.  May the lives of these unborn children be saved!

There are days when I just feel “off my game.”  Nothing seems to go as I planned.  There are days when I feel like a total failure and wonder if my family might be better off with someone who was better at (insert anything here) than I am.  Then I remind myself, “I am not perfect and I never will be, at least not before the Lord comes!”  This road of sanctification can seem so very long at times.  I want to be there already, who after all doesn’t want to do everything right all the time!  Oh wait, that sounds a bit like impatience, discontentment, and self-reliance!  Shoot, I failed again!

It isn’t that I do not have constant reminders of the things I do right.  I do.  I often have people who tell me.  I have a husband who tells me.  I even have children who tell me.  I see the fruit of my labor in my children.  Yet, I also have constant reminders of my failings.  I have those who seek to tear me down to make themselves feel better about their own shortcomings.  I have the occasions when my children remind me they too are fallen sinners (by attitudes and actions) yet saved by grace the same as I am.  I have the Holy Spirit indwelling me as an ever constant reminder of how and how far I fall short.

The thing is…… who do I listen to?  What do I do with what I hear?

Failings sometimes seem to make us loose our focus.  Do you ever forget that it is the Lord who works and begin to think it is all about you?  Well, I will be honest here.  Sometimes I do.  I begin to think, if I just try harder I will do it right today!  A friend recently said when speaking of being a perfect parent, “When my children are asleep in their beds and I remember how I failed, I plan to be the perfect parent tomorrow, then we wake up.”

If I am focused on the Lord.  I will hear and take heart His correction.  I may even grieve that I have failed so greatly. BUT, I will remember that it is He who works all things together.  The work that the Lord does through me is still HIS work.  I will be ever mindful of His love, grace, mercy, and power to overcome.

If I allow  my focus to be moved away from Him, Satan begins to take advantage of the situation.  He tells me that it is all up to me.  That I am indeed the total failure I think myself to be.  He reminds me of how I was not compassionate, how I lost my temper, and every other thing I seemed to mess up.  Only unlike the Holy Spirit there is no offer of grace, no reminder that I am not alone, and no power to overcome!

God will let us know that we have failed.  We all fall short.  Yet he reminds us and comforts us that we are not on our own.  He is working.  He is sanctifying.  He will overcome.  In Christ we are more than conquerors.  It is the process of sanctification and we need repent, submit, seek his guidance, and move forward.

Satan, however, will turn us to focus on ourselves and try to keep us there wallowing for as long as possible.  We will conclude that we are indeed the total failures we were afraid we really were!

Failing and being a total failure are not the same.  Where is your focus when you fail?  It makes all the difference in the world.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

It saddens me to hear of others being beaten down when they are grieving.  Sometimes people seem to think that when you are a Christian and have the hope of Christ that one should not grieve at a loss or that they should do it more graciously.   I have lost many that I love.  Most in my family were not Christians.  I have also known several people who have died who did know the Lord.   There is grieving either way but there is a difference.  If you have ever experienced both, as I have, you know the difference.  The difference is not in whether you grieve but in how you grieve. If grieving  for a Christian there is still a loss in the death but with a future comfort.  If grieving for a non Christian there is not only the the loss of the life but of the eternal death without hope.

Often times when there is someone who has been such a bright ray of light for Christ in your life and then they go through a tragedy we expect them to breeze through things joyously.  We may not admit to that but we often do not know how to handle the depth of their pain.  It is uncomfortable and we often want them to appear stronger in order for our faith to be strengthened and to avoid the pain ourselves.

Though Christians have an everlasting hope with great peace and comfort that does not mean that we do not experience loss, pain, anger, or question.  It is possible to do all of those things and still rest in God.

We must not forget that people grieve differently, that grieving is important, and to not dismiss one’s emotions.  Unless we are in their place we cannot feel what they feel.  Often our minds and hearts know and trust the Lord yet our emotions do not always fall in line.  This is a battle and one which must be faced.  Let them fight with their emotions and cry out to God.  Let them question and seek answers from the Lord.  Let them cry, mourn, and grieve.  It does not mean that they are no longer trusting the Lord, it does not mean that they have forgotten their hope, it is uncomfortable but it is also what draws them closer to the one who can truly bring comfort.  Do not hinder that by requesting or even at times demanding that they “be strong” and “take heart”.  God is big enough to allow them to grieve and to carry them through.  We must allow them to grieve and to let the Lord work.

Romans 12:15

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

It seems easy to rejoice with those who rejoice. The test comes when we are called upon to weep with those who weep. It is a more difficult task, one which costs us more, and one in which we are called!

Today I come to you asking for prayers for a dear family.  We have friends here in Alaska who are missionaries with Cadence International.  They work along side the chaplains (my hubby) on base.  Dan and Barb are a blessing to all they come in contact with and have such an amazing heart for the Lord and for sharing his love with others.  Barb had been having symptoms of several things for years and was having them treated. Headaches, nausea, vertigo, depression, long hours of sleep, and what they thought was reactions to some of the medications for these ailments.  Almost 3 weeks ago, she began to have other symptoms.  The doctors decided to do a MRI.   They found a very large brain tumor.  It was about the size of a plum; an orange if including the sac which contained it.

They were hoping it was a benign tumor but when she went into surgery this past Wednesday to remove it they discovered it was the most aggressive type of cancer they could have anticipated, Glioblastoma multiforme.  The first day after surgery Barb seemed to be doing well.  She was up a bit, eating a bit, and conversing a bit.  The next couple of days as the swelling increased things began to change.  She became unresponsive falling into a coma.  They went in for surgery again.  This is where we wait.

She is in ICU currently.  She is in a medically induced coma and on a ventilator at the moment to allow her to rest and heal.  They will most likely try to wake her and remove the ventilator today. We hope and pray!

Her family is struggling greatly.  They have gone from thinking it was a benign tumor, to knowing it was cancer with an average of 15 months survival, to almost loosing her.  We are all still waiting.  Her parents are here now.  Her sister has been here all along.  Her husband, though constantly surrounded by those who love him, is lonely and longing for his wife.  His children, though they do not know the full extent of the situation, are struggling to deal with things.  Their faith is being challenged.

I ask that you fervently pray for their family!  If you want to know more accurately how to pray, they send updates via twitter.   Thank you all for your faithfulness to pray!

I am brokenhearted.  Have you ever noticed how much sin surrounds us?  I cannot fathom how people do not understand that man is depraved.  It is blatantly obvious in my opinion.  Even in the saintliest of homes and hearts, one can find sin, shame, and depravity.  If one says there is none, then they are dishonest and blind and thus depravity is proven.

However, we can all admit that there are those who display and indulge in sin more than others.  While there are those who flee temptation and strive to live holy lives.  Often those of the latter scoff at those of the former forgetting that we were once the former and from what and for what we have been saved.

I have found myself lately mourning and grieving because of the depth of the depravity found within my own extended family.  I would like to give you a brief idea of what I am talking about without throwing the details out there.  It is not my place to air dirty laundry even though the stink effects me greatly.   If you combine the favoritism of Jacob towards Joseph, soap opera emotions and disproportionate reactions, Law & Order: SVU, & Jerry Springer you might understand a bit of what has me grieved.

I am so thankful that the Lord rescued and redeemed me from such a place and that he continues to purify me.  I do however, find myself feeling guilty for having received that redemption when so many have not.  It saddens my heart to no end when I hear from family.  There seems to be no end to the depth of depravity.  I often wonder why more Christians do not mourn and grieve along side me at the deplorable amount of sin in this world.

Cultural mainstream Christianity has become softened in the name of compassion but I think true compassion would be to call sin sin and to cry out to the Lord on behalf of the groaning of creation!