Cycles of Sadness
Struggling here a little bit. This is our longest deployment and I am learning new things. The Lord can really use a time like this to stretch and grow his children. With my hubby gone I really have no one to count on, except the Lord. It makes me realize how much I depend on my hubby and how often I bypass the Lord and trust in my hubby instead. I am forced now more that ever to trust God and to pray. That is a good thing. Though the situations that draw us to our knees are not always comfortable.
I have also noticed something about longer deployments. There are cycles. I don’t know if this is true for everyone but it is proving to be so around here. We will be doing just fine and then wham! We are hit with another wave of sadness, loneliness, grieving, and heavy concern. The children will be extra cranky and teary eyed. I will anxious, easily frustrated, feel a deep sense of loneliness and sadness. I just want to crawl into bed and stay there. Thankfully, my life does not afford me that much freedom and I am forced to go on.
I am not like this all the time. In fact, I am not like this most of the time. It only lasts for a few days to a week and then I am okay and doing rather well. Thankfully, the children and I are on different cycles too. So, I am able to comfort them when I am in a good frame of mind. These cycles tend to come about every 4-6 weeks.
Why is it that no one told me about this? That I should expect it? Maybe it is something that is just unique to us but somehow I cannot imagine that to be the case.
Maybe things differ with the amount of support one receives. I do have a great church family and a few good friends who check in on me. I often wonder how families with no support and without the Lord handle things. I think of way back before technology. How did the families of WWII handle the lack of communication?! What I endure cannot even compare to that! I get to be in contact with my hubby a few times a week.
Now before you start thinking I am having a pity party, I AM NOT! I am not looking to make my situation seem worst than anyone else, though there are circumstances that are unique to my hubby’s position that do have added concerns. I am not saying poor me, we DID sign up for this. Serving our country is an honor!
I am simply saying that sometimes this whole, “Hubby is in the war zone” thing is hard!
I am so very thankful for those who are supportive and caring. I do however get really tired of the “Suck it up and get over it” attitude that is given off by many, many, many a person though. Sadly, that attitude is given off by those who you would think would be the most supportive.
That is all. There is my struggle and there is my rant.
I pray that today is a better day than yesterday and that the Lord will guide me and give me wisdom in ministering to my children today. I am thankful that the Lord is a father to the fatherless. May my children see that during this time of separation and may I be able to help them to see that. I pray that the Lord continues to work mightily through the ministry of my hubby in Afghanistan and that He would be his shield and protection.
Tags: Afghanistan, deployment, grief, Military Posted in deployment, grief
June 2nd, 2010 at 9:12 am
My husband is currently in Korea for a year–almost four months down. I know EXACTLY what you mean by the cycles. I’m here alone with my six children, 8 and under. It is very hard. You are not alone! I will be praying for you!
MamaArcher
Twitter: MamaArcher
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June 2nd, 2010 at 9:18 am
@Jennifer, It is good to know that I am not alone concerning the cycles! I wish someone had given me a heads up! I will pray for you and your family as well!
June 2nd, 2010 at 9:46 am
I am praying for you. I know this is hard on you. My hubby is a truck driver. That is hard enough. I can’t imagine what your going through. I have noticed a change in you. Your not as happy and free. God is right there with you. You are doing a great job. We don’t always have to be perfect or get things right. Your a blessing. Please remember that this is a season in your life. The season will change. You may be going thru a long hard dark winter but SPRING is coming. God made you to be strong. One thing that seems to be speaking to me lately is to sing. A lot of the Old Testament battles were won as the singers went in. So, sing, sister sing. Don’t let go of your joy. You are allowed to have it, even on the hard days!!! I am praying for you.
Christy
MamaArcher
Twitter: MamaArcher
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June 2nd, 2010 at 10:01 am
@Christy Sharp, Thank you, singing is a wonderful thing. I do notice when I am down the most is when I have stopped singing. I love to sing! That is a great reminder!
If you have noticed a change in me, I am sorry. There have been other trials that I have been dealing with that I know have changed my style of blogging and the topics which I broach. I will have to pray about that.
I do still have joy, it is just not as exuberant as I would like at the moment! Maybe singing praises will effect that.
God bless you for your encouraging words!
June 2nd, 2010 at 12:29 pm
I can’t imagine what you’re going through. It’s OK to have those feelings. Just because you signed up for it and it’s an honour, doesn’t mean it’s not going to be hard. Learning to trust is such a powerful lesson. Blessings on you!
.-= Sandpiper´s last blog ..Biding My Time =-.
June 2nd, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Kristine — You have been in my prayers daily. I have wanted to talk with you but wasn’t sure how to say anything at the same time. Because of the length of his reenlistment, we are looking at Mike leaving for a year possibly by this time next year. That, coupled with Josh and Brian being gone and our prayers focused in that direction, has brought thoughts of deployments back to the forefront of my mind. If you are open to talking, give me a shout on email.
Much love and prayers to all!
Sallie
.-= Sallie´s last blog ..United States Naval Academy =-.
June 2nd, 2010 at 3:36 pm
It is absolutely true that this is a common occurence with seperated families. We’ve only had one stint, about 15 months,(with intermittent visits) and it was just as you describe. Very much an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes the ones who are saying suck it up etc just don’t know what else to say or how to give comfort. Like losing a loved one or child. They do not realise that you do not need to necessarily say anything but just be there and show love.
{{hugs}} to you and your precious family and may God keep your hubby safe.
.-= Ruby´s last blog ..Film & TV 101 =-.
MamaArcher
Twitter: MamaArcher
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June 2nd, 2010 at 3:47 pm
@Ruby, You know we probably all need to learn how to better comfort one another. I will try to be more gracious to those who are less than comforting. I think we often like to rejoice with those who rejoice but no one really likes to deal with the struggles.
June 11th, 2010 at 4:34 am
I’m sorry you weren’t warned about the cycles. We’ve discovered the same thing. This time I find that I’ve really neglected taking care of “me” becuase I’m so busy taking care of all else…..I hit a wall I think and am finally leanring to pull away and rest….among other things. All that to say – I understand. I also find we have cycles around here….