My Overactive Super Mommy Syndrome
I am one of those moms who suffers from the Super Mommy Syndrome. I like things to be perfect, they are far from it! I like all my ducks in a row, they tend to waddle here and there. I also feel guilty if I let someone help me rather than doing it myself. These children were entrusted to me after all!
I do believe that children are given to their parents from the Lord and that it is the parents responsibility to raise them rather than pawning them off for someone else to care for. Honestly, we are pretty capable around here. We do not whine and ask for help when things get tough. We tough it out! This sometimes leads to neglect from family members because they think we have it all together and because the kind of help they offer is not what we really need. I am learning to live with that.
Even though I have this great desire to be the mom of all mothers I realize how far short I fall. Maybe that is a God’s way of making sure I remain humble in this area. When you realize that the Lord entrusted these children to your care to raise them to bring glory and honor to him, well, that often seems an insurmountable task for one such as I! I must rely on the Lord and not myself, it is only with his guidance, strength, and wisdom that I can be effective at all. I definitely cannot do it on my own!
This Super Mommy Syndrome is some respects can be healthy. It keeps one from shirking their responsibilities! If we are focused on the Lord and seeking to do our best for his glory and not our own then it can also be a good propellant! Sometimes though our own selfish and prideful nature rears its ugly head and then we have problems. Sometimes it is hard for us Super Mommy types to ask for help or to even accept it when it is offered. I have a prime example from today!
My hubby is out of town right now. One of my children has standardized testing today on the other side of Anchorage (about a 40 minute drive). My neighbor is taking two of her children so she offered to take him as well. I said ok. I woke from a dream this morning in which he didn’t make it on time and I was rushing around to get him there. I called her when I got up and of course they were there and all was well. I simply felt guilty because I was not taking care of getting him there myself! I was letting another person take care of it. I know this might sound crazy to most of you but I am being brutally honest here.
Let me ask you…..are you a super mommy? Now let me ask you this, if you do not think you are a super mommy…..Do others classify you that way? If so, then I would say you fall into that category anyway!
How do you balance your super mommy tendencies and high standards with accepting help from others and dealing with unnecessary feelings of guilt?
Tags: children, Family, homeschool Posted in Family, Homeschooling, Train Up a Child, children
February 3rd, 2010 at 12:26 pm
I don’t think of myself as a super mommy, in fact I attempt to keep my thoughts away from that. I have always told my children that the only “REAL” superhero is God, therefore, by thinking I am a super mommy,I would be telling them that I believe I have super hero status. I want them focused on their super hero God not some assumed super hero mommy that always falls short.
I have had others tell me that I am a SUPERMOM, but I always attempt to help them understand that I would not be the mom that I am without God.
I feel guilty when I fall short in the patience department, but not typically because I didn’t get everything done. I tend to believe that my to do list, probably does not match God’s to do list for me. So, I make sure to try and follow His list, therefore eliminating the guilt of my to do list being incomplete. I perfection tendencies tend to be along the lines of having everything homemade, and perfecting curriculum to each child. With six children that can be difficult. My oldest two are polar opposites in where they struggle. So, again I have to turn back to my super hero God–where I should have been anyway–to find the right balance.
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MamaArcher
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February 3rd, 2010 at 12:44 pm
@Betty, I so agree with you! I was not saying that I put myself on the status of super mommy, many others tend to do that, I do recognize though that I have the tendency to want everything to be just right. When people do make comments I also try to point them to Christ. Without him I would be nothing and accomplish nothing.
February 3rd, 2010 at 12:41 pm
There was a time when I loved it when others would be amazed at all I did (or what I thought I did). I had a classic pharisee attitude about what I did, & really believed that if there was anything good in my kids, it was because I was doing such a good job. Surely God would bless us big time from all my “obedience”. I lived for the praise of others. Not anymore!
Yes, others call me Supermom. But, some call me that just because they know I have 10 kids. Other know that I am in ministry & can’t imagine how I get it all done. Those closest to me, know that I am as far from Supermom as you can get! Those are my closest & dearest friends.
I am quick to let others know that I never get it all done. There is always something (or many things) that I don’t get to do. I just learn to take things one at a time & give priority to the important, rather than the urgent.
I have learned to accept help & now am at a place where I have humbled myself to the point of seeking help when I need it. My husband is unemployed going on 14 months now, we have 1 car…our needs are numerous.
Someone offered to tutor my daughter to help her prepare for the SAT. A few yrs ago, I would have declined & insisted on doing it myself, not anymore. I gladly accepted the offer for FREE tutoring, and I felt no guilt. That was a big step for me.
When I run to my God daily, I do have the strength to accomplish what HE wants me to accomplish & what joy I have knowing that His plan for my kids can never be thwarted. He is in complete control.
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February 3rd, 2010 at 12:55 pm
@Dana, Running to the Lord daily is key! I guess what I find hard is not relinquishing control to the Lord but to other people. It is hard to let others help especially when they tend to have such high expectations of you and when you have even higher expectations of yourself.
February 3rd, 2010 at 6:59 pm
Kristine,
Apparently, someone thinks I’m “super” b/c I was nominated in that category for the homeschool blog awards. I was more than a little shocked…and flattered.
Honestly, I think sometimes our “supermom” status is couched in “control freak” status.
WE want to be in control. WE have expectations that sometimes just can’t be met. WE don’t accept help from others because they might not live up to our standards or be done quite the way we’d like them to be. Or worse yet, WE might be made to feel “less-than in charge” if we rely on someone else.
I truly think the guilt is often a false guilt…a self-inflicted guilt we feel for “letting someone down.” Even if that someone is really us.
OK, so there’s my candid answer. I will now commence to duck tomatoes… lol
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February 3rd, 2010 at 9:10 pm
@Amy @ Raising Arrows, Watch out for the tomato I am about to fling at you! Just kidding,
) You are right, I do think that there is a bit of “control” issues at play (maybe even trust issues). I work on that but do not always succeed.
I liked your point on a false guilt for letting someone down, even if that someone is our self. I never thought of it that way before.
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February 4th, 2010 at 4:49 am
What a thought provoking post!
Cxx
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February 5th, 2010 at 12:11 am
I can really relate to the control freak comment. I recently stopped homeschooling my children for very good reasons. They are now enrolled at a private Catholic school (a story to go in the comments of your financial provision post!! It’s a downright miracle) and I have since realized how much I wanted to control everything and how little I trusted anyone else to be able to teach my children. Also, I have found that it is slightly terrifying to have to speak up when I don’t like something and that that may have contributed to my desire to do it all myself. THAT was VERY humbling, as I have always been “super mom” and felt I WAS being “super advocate” by standing up to “the system” and doing it all “my way.” I am so thankful for all God is doing in our lives, even though it does not look a thing like I expected it to!!
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