Resolving Conflict in Blogland
I thought blogging was supposed to be fun. It is a way to share our thoughts and our convictions. It is a way to meet like-minded people and to encourage one another. I am fully aware of the fact that many people (even those who should be like-minded) disagree. It seems to me though that if you are not big enough to take a little criticism and to take it with dignity then you should maybe reevaluate your motives. I do not mind criticism, after all, healthy discussion brings about growth. What I do object to is the underhandedness, dirtiness, mean spirited, name calling, slanderous parties out there!
I know that where there is conflict we do not always behave in the best manner. I have had situations in the past which have risen from disagreements in convictions. Some I handled well with grace and dignity and others I did not but dealt with them in a rather sinful manner. In those cases where I did not handle things in a godly manner I have repented, asked for forgiveness from those involved, and done what works I could to make amends. I have learned that in all cases of conflict I should flee to the Lord and beseech him to grant me wisdom, clarity of heart and mind, and graciousness even amidst difficult conversations. I am not the best at this but am growing.
Some situations clear up easily and others do not. Sometimes that is because of differences in personalities, differences in how to resolve issues, differences in convictions and beliefs, an unwillingness or inability due to insecurity to let others disagree, unrepentant or perceived unrepentant hearts. All this to say, conflicts arise and they may even be over very important issues but when one takes that conflict and rather than trying to resolve things in a godly manner begin to slander and back stab all the while justifying their actions, that is just plain sinful! I am currently watching another one of these situations unfold online and it breaks my heart. I see the godly character of those involved. I fully realize that I may not be seeing the whole picture and not know everything that each individual is doing but I do see the underhanded vengeful things that are being done to them and know that these actions are not godly.
If you have a disagreement with someone here is a word of advice from one who has been there. Make sure you are confident enough in your convictions to be ok with the fact that people may and most likely at some point will disagree with you. Remember it is not your job to change their minds or their hearts; that is up to the Lord. Most importantly, be willing to hear them, learn from them, and be willing to admit you are wrong! You just might be! Try to speak with grace even if you have words that are difficult to hear. There is nothing wrong with speaking boldly but try to have a heart of humility not arrogance. The other party may not recognize that you are acting from a heart of grace and humility but you still need to make sure that the motives of your heart are godly. Approach the situation with the idea that others are trying to act from godly motives as well. They may not be but give them the benefit of the doubt. Earnestly request wisdom, a clean and pure heart, mind, and speech from the Lord. It is so easy to get caught up in who is right and who is wrong that you loose sight of behaving in a godly manner. Do not fall into that trap. Learn when you have said enough and leave the outcome of changing hearts, minds, and actions to the work of the Holy Spirit.
Pray that the Lord will reveal areas in which you may need to repent concerning the conflict. Make sure that when you repent of those things that you also ask for forgiveness from the others involved. Be specific too so they are fully aware of the fact that you acknowledge your part (and what that was) in the conflict and are truly repentant. This is not necessarily required but it goes a long way to bringing healing, reconciliation, forgiveness, and humility.
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Tags: Belief, conflict, Repentance, Sin Posted in Christianity, Conviction, Encouragement, Family, Prayer, Train Up a Child, children, grief, hope, sorrow
December 1st, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Very nicely spoken. Thank you.
Dana Bailey´s last blog ..Take the Roosevelt Challenge
December 1st, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Ditto what Dana said. You said this well. Having been in the same place you have, both being in the wrong and the right; having made things better and things worse; having asked forgiveness and been forgiven and not; I could have very well written this myself.
I pray that we will all be able to live our own lives without having to be in the others’ business all the time. I would love to see it that people can agree or disagree in love and not feel the need to prove something all the time.
I don’t have time for it. I don’t think any of us really do. Life is so short with the world always taking time from our families as it is, and our time to be what Yahweh has ordained us to be is so short… we must focus on HIM and what he has and not distract each other with antics I have seen and have thrust upon us.
May Yahweh work in the hearts of his people and draw us closer to him in these situations.
Thanks for these heartfelt words of wisdom.
May you be blessed with peace in your home.
Jacque´s last blog ..Remember Gleaning the Harvest
December 1st, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Amen! This isn’t said often enough in blogland.
Daisy´s last blog ..Two CTC Supplements
December 1st, 2009 at 6:08 pm
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December 1st, 2009 at 8:10 pm
Thank you for this MamaArcher. I have seen a lot of drama in my life and when it bleeds into online life we need to take a step back. Confession is great and we all have things we need to confess to those we have hurt. I have confessed to people I have hurt and admitted when I reacted hastily towards others. There are times when we are right and wrong. But how it’s dealt with can sometimes be done with too much emotion. I think the time should come very soon when forgiveness involves the halting of nasty emails and banning from sites. If people can agree to disagree and be open for respectful disagreements openly on blogs then we can broaden our horizon in understanding one another. Forgiveness means we come come into contact with one another and leave kind blog comments again to show the forgiveness has taken place. The blogosphere can then begin to heal when they see the forgiveness in action. But that can’t happen when you are surfing along and find out that you’re banned from blogs just because you disagree with details. like you said, “I do not mind criticism, after all, healthy discussion brings about growth.” This is why I leave my comment section open for discussion. I never ban people.
Sisterlisa´s last blog ..Balancing Act
Twitter: MamaArcher
Says:
December 1st, 2009 at 9:16 pm
SisterLisa, I do not know the details of what you are referring to. I would like to mention thought that I think there can be reconciliation and forgiveness in situations but that does not mean that there may not be new boundaries set. Sometimes new boundaries and new defining of relationships can be more glorifying to the Lord. There may not be as much dissension that way. Like I said though, I do not know your situation. Just something else to ponder……. always pondering…
)
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:34 am
Amen! I am always uplifted and challenged by your writing. Thank you!
Penny ´s last blog ..God and Impossibilities
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:51 am
I really appreciated these thoughts, Krsitine. Whether IRL or in blogland, resolving conflict biblically is often not taught and practiced well.
I must admit, I try to say what I think without being controversial both in posting and commenting, for this very reason. I do not know how someone might take what I have said and mis interpret, and it is so much harder to clarify on a blog than in face to face conversation.
I also appreciate your writing here. Thanks.
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:33 am
Kristine,
You have a real good point concerning boundaries. I have it clearly stated on my comment section on my blog that I enjoy & welcome your comments, but comment with grace & respect. I don’t mind at all if someone disagrees with me. They disagreed with me often on my ministry blog, but I allowed their comments anyway & responded as gracefully as I knew how. Only twice did I not allow comments to be published because the writer used foul language & that I do not allow. I contacted the person’s and asked if they would comment again, just please do not use foul language. Neither one did.
If one writes about Biblical issues on their blog, yet treat others behind the blog with condemnation because the commenter questioned their interpretation of the scriptures, they will be found out & their ministry to others is in jeopardy. This type of behavior exudes legalism.
LEGALISM=Believing your interpretation of the scriptures cannot possibly be wrong and trying to convince others the same.
Setting boundaries on your blog is essential, but reinforce those boundaries in love & grace.
LOVE=loving them in spite of your differences. It is intentional love.
GRACE= loving people where they are, not trying to change them.
Kristine, thanks for giving me much to think about & consider as I examine my own heart & motives in blogging.
Dana Bailey´s last blog ..Free Advent Study – Inductive Method
December 2nd, 2009 at 6:52 am
Kristine and Dana I agree. Boundaries do need to be in place, but not a wall. If Berlin can take their wall down, surely God’s people can.
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:36 am
I do know what Sisterlisa is referring to.
It is a biblical understanding that when you forgive someone, that does not mean that you will be good friends again. (i.e. Paul and Barnabus) If you still disagree with what a frmr. friend is posting as a spiritual concept, or if you know that there are blog posts that refer to you/your ministry, there should be no expectation of being welcomed by them on that person’s blog.
I don’t know how in the world someone would expect to be welcomed to a blog when they are slamming that person to others, either in emails, posts, or in comments on other blogs, even if they happen to agree with the particular post.
Walls and boundaries are not the same, though sometimes they must exist as such until the parties are not acting unkindly, if not only for peace and to glorify Yahweh.
As for a public apology, I have found that they are necessary if the public is involved, but should never preclude a personal apology, nor should it take the place of then acting as if you are truly repentant of your actions.
There are so many facets to this post, Kristine. I have seen the ugly in blogland, and it is uglier than I have seen in some church splits. And the bad thing is that it is so stealth, because if you come out and expose the person in the medium they use to slam you, then you look like the bad guy.
One thing I have found out is what Dana said: “they will be found out & their ministry to others is in jeopardy.”
This has been proven several times to us in the past 3 years. We will continue to stand up for truth and Yahweh, though.. it’s really all we can do!
(((HUGS))) to you! I know this was a difficult post to write with love and grace, but you have done well, and it has sparked good discussion.
TY~
Oh, and you can find a good reference to this type of thing about commenting and such on My Site, My Right (the original) at Jocelyn’s blog: http://aponderingheart.com/blog/?p=314
be blessed~
December 2nd, 2009 at 10:42 am
Dana~ I read your last line again as I pushed the publish button….
I agree. It is so important to consider and examine what we are blogging about and why we are blogging. Thanks for much to think about.
December 2nd, 2009 at 11:28 am
Wise words! I am actually quite surprised at the stories I hear of bloggers receiving nasty comments. This sounds so crazy to me. If you don’t like what you read push the back button! Oh well, I guess there are always going to be those who can’t leave without announcing their opinion.
Autumn Beck´s last blog ..5 Field Trips I’ll Never Go On
December 2nd, 2009 at 12:48 pm
And the only way to know someone’s heart is to listen to them and believe they are truly repentant.
I agree that if there are posts about other bloggers on blogs that it needs to be addressed. Openly condemning another bloggers business or blog should be dealt with. And perhaps it would be best just to go ahead and allow a team of bloggers to come together to help handle the issue. I know I have been very open to seeing that take place, as have several others. Several times it has been offered, only to be cut off and denied that opportunity. Denying the opportunity to come together to make amends is not the way of Christ our Lord.
Coming to the ‘church’ in cyber space is not easy. But perhaps a moderated forum where only those who are involved, and some loving mediators can bring it all out in the open and discuss it. I know that what I see, from my point of view, is that the attacks on Twitter and in emails needs to stop. Sometimes we just need to walk away. I understand that. But so many of those people involved are still friends with mutual friends and come across one another’s comments on other blogs and social network sites.
So there needs to be a solution other than repeated banning, unkind emails, and social network attacks. When people behave that way they only further isolate themselves from people who genuinely love them. If doctrine is an issue then anyone who thinks they have it right a majority of the time shouldn’t cut people off from reading about said ‘truth’. Otherwise they hide their ‘light’ under a bushel to only those they deem necessary. That is also not the way of Christ our Lord. Jesus openly spoke truth and when people hated him for it he received the attacks, the spit in the face, and the rocks thrown at him. (not that it’s right, but it happens)
I echo the statement above about limiting profanity, but welcoming them to re-post their opinion without the vulgarity. That showed tremendous maturity, respect, dignity, and genuine love. But to refuse someone the opportunity to ask questions for clarification or honest debate or inquiry is not healthy for the blogosphere.
As I stated before, and as Kristine has, sometimes we are wrong and a genuine apology tells what they are sorry for and an attempt to show the forgiveness in action. If forgiveness is real then when a blogger makes a comment later down the road they should not be denied the opportunity to leave kind comments again or be sent emails to demand they not leave comments. (if the comments are kind why would any of us refuse that?)
I can tell you this, I receive many messages from sweet ladies asking me to donate to help struggling individuals, but I can’t because I’m banned from being able to. I don’t know what to say to these ladies. Do I tell them I was banned from giving to them? Or allow them to think I’m blowing them off? Neither is good. If the situation is not remedied then the truth will eventually come out.
There are a lot of blogs out there that we can glean from about homeschooling, parenting, etc. We may not agree with everything they say, but that’s ok. We don’t have to read it all, but to put up posts that say they they no longer support ‘so and so or such and such business’ and begin to list all their names and add to that ‘all contributing writers to…(said company)’ is something that really needs to be taken down. For it’s that kind of name calling that is completely in disobedience to Christ our Lord.
We all go through various experiences in life and when God leads us to write about how he uses it in our lives to bring about a tender changed heart then we have the freedom to write about it. IN LOVE. I echo Jacque in that, it must be in love. If we come across a post that seems to be describing our behavior and it is negative, then maybe we need to take a step back and consider that quite possibly it’s true and we did behave that way. Then we can repent.
I have been writing about persecution for a while now and people from all over the bloggy land and in the city I live in, thinks it’s all about them specifically. Yet I never say anyone’s name NOR anything in particular that would indicate who it involves. Sometimes it’s not about anyone, sometimes it’s really just what God showed me. Sometimes it’s about a movie I saw. Sometimes it’s about a memory I had.
If I saw something that I felt was about me, I’d probably get a lump in my throat and ask the person “Oh my I’m so sorry, is that me who did that to you?” If it is then praise God! I could then make it right by apologizing. If not, they’ll tell me it’s not.
The only way to know for sure is to ask and be honest, but love should be the key. If there is any anger involved in the asking then it’s quite possibly not the time to address it. Not until we can be free to know that we are completely humble and ready to admit that we possibly did do something wrong. And if the people feel defensive and hostile when discussing it, then the humility really isn’t there yet. Even hurt people can be humble when discussing a matter. But hurt people who are angry are not humble.
And if while reading this we have a mind that screams, “Whatever!” then we need to keep praying it through.
Sisterlisa´s last blog ..Balancing Act
Twitter: MamaArcher
Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:25 pm
DISCLAIMER: I find it sad that I feel the need to place a disclaimer, but here it is anyway—”this is not pointed at anyone——just something I have come to learn amidst my own struggles.”
ok now here is my comment.
)
I think one thing to remember whenever and where ever there is conflict is that forgiveness does not necessarily mean a removal of consequences. We need to remember that different people have different boundaries. What one sees as a wall another may see simply as a boundary. What one sees as unforgiveness may really only be a consequence another did not anticipate. Even where there is forgiveness, trust is sometimes harder to reestablish. We need to seek a way to reestablish that trust in a way that respects the boundaries of those who have been hurt whether you agree with those boundaries or not. Maybe a way of doing so would simply be to give space and time for healing.
Christians can also forgive and have unity in the Lord, still seeking to serve and glorify God, without constant contact or even working and interacting together all that much if at all (there are a lot of Christians and ministries to be involved in). It is more glorifying to God to be serving and sharing the redeeming work of Christ than to be placing ourselves in a relationship in which we are constantly butting our heads with one another.
One last thought, maybe the individual does not feel that you have repented when doing something sinful. It might be worth it to humble one self and offer a detailed confession and apology once more just to make sure. Especially if one is in a situation where there is a pattern of behavior, remember it takes a lot of time to remove the stigma of habitual offenses. This is not necessary by any means…..but……it…just…might…help.
Lastly,even though we are called to be fruit inspectors and help to hold others accountable, remember our chief end is to bring glory to the Father not always be trying to make sure that others do!
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:58 pm
We live, we learn, and sometimes we have to go ’round it again. I’ve had to repent and personally and publicly apologize. Like Mom said, personally apologies to every person you’ve wronged is necessary, not just a blanket apology or “my apology extended to others involved”.
When I feel there is something amiss between believers (myself and another) I will go directly to them, ask, and get it resolved as soon as possible. Sometimes things don’t get resolved whether because someone didn’t want to discuss it or someone wasn’t seeking true forgiveness and resolve. Many times, as I’ve seen, those who didn’t want to resolve the issue get caught up in checking what the other party is doing. I have found it necessary to ban people from being able to view or comment on my site. If my site is a stumbling block for someone then I will take appropriate action to remove it from their view as to not cause them to sin by blogging or writing about it (even without naming someone or naming some of their titles, like My Site, My Right) or commenting to cause trouble or “going from door to door” on other sites and gossiping about them, naming them or not.
Some people think this ungraceful, but we are told in the Scriptures (Titus 3:9-11) to warn a divisive person once, and then twice, and then have nothing more to do with them. If having nothing more to do with them on these terms means to ban them then I will. Sometimes it’s not about hiding your light. Sometimes it trying to not get caught up in situations where it may cause strife in your or someone else’s life and to truly be the peacemaker.
This article was a good resource for going before the ‘church’ and understanding it has to be a sin issue, not an I’m-offended issue. http://jacquedixon.com/torah/?p=84
Miss Jocelyn´s last blog ..Tzitzit
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:10 pm
MamaArcher:
“It is more glorifying to God to be serving and sharing the redeeming work of Christ than to be placing ourselves in a relationship in which we are constantly butting our heads with one another.
…. Especially if one is in a situation where there is a pattern of behavior, remember it takes a lot of time to remove the stigma of habitual offenses.This is not necessary by any means…..but……it…just…might…help. “
I have already addressed what Scripture tells us to do when someone, whether they claim to be a Believer or are or not, does this to us online or IRL. You will find that here: Seek Peace and Chase After It:
http://jacquedixon.com/?p=5587
NO,we are not to continue in a relationship w/anyone when it is just butting heads.
If we do not address this Scripturally and only bring our demands, our wishes and our opinions in, we might as well give it up. There are so many opinions out there… like the thought of having a “judgment forum” of bloggers. Just what a conflict does not need: More of others’ opinions.
We are commanded in the Scripture to not allow those who do not follow Yahweh’s commandments to be judges and rulers over us. I know that those who would accuse me do not follow the same Scripture as I do, and I would not trust their interpretations in the least. This is part of why we have parted ways. To think that there are some who have already discussed appointing themselves as judges over another blogger in a forum is a scary thought. When did these people become the Blog Police anyway? I pay for my blog bandwidth, and I personally do not understand why anyone, especially a Believer who is all about grace, would think they could come to my blog and tell me what I can or cannot post or who I can allow to comment or not.
Some of this is quite ludicrous. If you want to really want to be like the Christ you claim, leave the person alone. Don’t goad them or demand from them. It really is their site and their life. Who are we to place demands on anyone??
I do not understand this:
Sisterlisa: “Yet I never say anyone’s name NOR anything in particular that would indicate who it involves. ”
Does this mean that you are not in sin to write a post about someone because you do not name them? How is that? If you are writing a post with a judgmental attitude about someone, how are you excused from this sinful behaviour because you didn’t let everyone else know who you were sinning against? I would like to see some scripture for that.
Not to mention the fact that it then allows others to wonder about who you are talking about, perhaps gaining a bad opinion of someone because it sounds like you are referring to another party who could be involved. This is not what Messiah would do. That is to pander to evil, dancing around it, calling it ok.
And this:
Sisterlisa:
“But hurt people who are angry are not humble. And if while reading this we have a mind that screams, “Whatever!” then we need to keep praying it through.”
Again, you are setting yourself up as a heart-reader here. Can you give Scripture? Are you the judge and jury of those who are hurt? We do not have to be hostage to people who continually hurt and bully us within the Body.
I am truly shocked by your opinion of your own opinion. You have given no Scriptures, just your opinions, and yet, if we think what you are saying is nonsense, then we need to “keep praying it through”.
MamaArcher:
“Lastly,even though we are called to be fruit inspectors and help to hold others accountable, remember our chief end is to bring glory to the Father not always be trying to make sure that others do!”
We are called to know them by their fruit. Their fruit will be evident. An inspector has to look closely. We are not to look so closely that we are in their business, to the point we harass them to do what we think they should all over blogland.
It would be best to move on and live in peace as we are commanded to. It would be best to not be consumed by it all and be about our own business.
Thanks for the discussion. It has been eye-opening. As for me and our household, we will continue to walk in His Narrow Path, not allowing doctrines of man to sway us from it. As I stated before… what else can a Believer do?
Oh, and Lisa, it is fine with me if those we have banned let ppl know that they have been banned. We do not mind questions about such things.
Jacque´s last blog ..Roles and Capabilities of Writers on WP Blogs
Twitter: MamaArcher
Says:
December 2nd, 2009 at 3:41 pm
Jaqcue–”We are called to know them by their fruit. Their fruit will be evident.”
I agree with this whole heartedly. I do not think it is wrong to give GENTLE reminders though. It is meant to be in a vein of encouragement….”to remember to be kind, gentle, self-controlled, etc.”
I did not mean that we are to scrutinize and insert ourselves where we have have no business. I am sorry if that it what came across.
)
December 2nd, 2009 at 5:13 pm
No, you absolutely did not come across that way, Kristine!
Jacque´s last blog ..Roles and Capabilities of Writers on WP Blogs
December 3rd, 2009 at 5:40 am
Kristine,
I haven’t a clue what controversy has now erupted in blogland…but I think your post is excellent. I’ll end here…delete the rest as their is obviously something that I’m clueless about going on….but I’ve been shocked in the past, at the attitudes and lack of grace that can be shown by Christians on the web…..shocked. I agreed with your post….
December 3rd, 2009 at 9:15 am
MamaArcher,
Sometimes it’s thorns we see, not fruit. Thank you for allowing this to be open. Owning up is a step towards peace and to cut that opportunity off would be more hurtful. I appreciate you allowing this conversation to continue.
Jacque and Jocelyn,
If I have written anything on my blogs that describes someone’s inappropriate behavior and my words are not edifying nor seek to bring a change, then list the posts and quote the comments that reveal the truth.
I will own up where needed. Will you?
Sisterlisa´s last blog ..Balancing Act
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:14 am
Dear Lisa~
As you know, there is a lot of opinion on blogs. It is what they are made of. Of course blog authors are going to write their opinion of things they read from others.
I am sorry if you felt accused. I did not accuse you of writing about anyone. I simply referred to what you yourself had said:
Sisterlisa: “Yet I never say anyone’s name NOR anything in particular that would indicate who it involves. ”
You yourself said that you have posted about people, but you excused doing so because you do it without naming them. You make it sound like that is an ok thing to do – to write about people – to people – just because you didn’t name them.
That was what I questioned when I asked:
Does this mean that you are not in sin to write a post about someone because you do not name them? How is that? If you are writing a post with a judgmental attitude about someone, how are you excused from this sinful behaviour because you didn’t let everyone else know who you were sinning against? I would like to see some scripture for that.”
That was what I questioned. Not if you did, but because you admitted you did, I wondered why you thought it was ok to do so.
I know this is a common belief, as I recently read a well-written post by Amy @Raising Arrows about Discretion At The Well that addressed blogging about others w/out naming them. You will find that here: http://www.titus2atthewell.com/2009/11/to-be-discreet.html
I have really enjoyed their posts.
To me, posting about people anonymously and fanning flames does not help positive growth, nor does it promote a spirit of peace. This is why I wrote the post I did when I decided I was going to move on. Unfortunately, there are those who are still practicing the “underhandedness, dirtiness, mean spirited, name calling, slander…” that Kristine mentioned…
There is someone who is spreading lies (to my friends,nonetheless)that I stole their email list and emailed their subscribers. I don’t even have access to Jocelyn’s subscribers at Feelin’ Feminine, and I have never been on another Feedburner acct but my own. Lies and slander only make things worse and are sinful and illegal too.
Thanks Kristine. Thanks for a place of great discussion. All of this really needs to stop.
Jacque´s last blog ..DIY Cleaning Products – Helping Cut Corners
December 3rd, 2009 at 11:35 am
I just clicked on the 1000th post giveaway and my computer sent me to Resolving conflict in Blogland. I just finished reading all the posts. I do not consider myself a “blogger” since I rarely go to blog sites. But I was so saddened by what I read that I felt compelled to write something. In today’s world we “visit” each other online more than in person and so I find a verse from the book of wisdom applicable here. “Seldom set foot in your neighbor’s house, lest he become weary of you and hate you.” Proverbs 25:17 It seems when we spend too much time at each other’s homes or blogsites or Facebooking or whatever; we ignore the caution in this verse and end up hurting each other with our words. Let us instead spend more time serving those we are closest to with a willing heart that God may be glorified.
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:01 pm
No, I think you misunderstood me Jacque. Please allow me to clarify and forgive me if I was not clear.
I write about experiences God has brought me through and how He has changed my heart through it. I cease from naming the people who were involved. I also write a lot about my own mistakes and how God showed me I was wrong. If my articles feel as though they are personalized towards an individual then they need to ask me about it. Many times they are not. Or it is an experience I had when I was younger or in my own town. Just as many many times I read Jocelyn’s blog, articles she wrote long before she ever knew me, and when I felt it was ‘about me’, it was Holy Spirit telling me it was about me. After all, Jocelyn had not even known me yet. :0)
The entire Bible is filled with stories about injustices that took place in the lives of the people. God shows his justice and grace through all of it. Had He never had men pen those words we would not have His written word today. When God leads any of us to write about our own journeys we should be able to in a discreet manner. I have indeed come across blogs that I felt were specifically about me and I came forward to make it right. I think that’s how we all learn to own up and help relationships take a step toward healing. We will never ‘arrive’ so as we walk this earth til the day of Jesus Christ, we will always be in need of making amends as the needs arise.
When someone tells us that a blog post that outright names them specifically says that they would like for it to be removed and be allowed to make amends, is denied that opportunity, then the person denying them that has closed God off from being able to help both people involved.
I have learned a lot over the years in cyber space and continue to learn more each day. I have learned that having communication with minors via GGM, Facebook, etc, that I need to make sure the parents have given me their permission to have communication with their children and I am sure to copy everything to them. Some children hide their online life from their parents, but that doesn’t make it acceptable for people to take advantage of that and send them messages that violate them mentally, spiritually, or otherwise. We are not to offend the children. Having disclaimers at the end of an email so the children can’t show the email to others puts them in a terribly confused place. We all need to be more careful on the internet. We never know when our statements are turned over to a child’s parent who may be a very powerful attorney.
I have an example to share. I have been recently writing about persecution. I’ve had many replies, but 3 serious responses to them. One is from an internet connection who thinks I’m writing about them in particular. One is from someone in my town who thinks about them in particular. And the third is from a reader in China who gets my subscription via Email. You see my blog was recently banned from China, but she can still get it in the email. She has thanked me for my messages and says how helpful they are to her as she faces more and more uncertainty in her country. She has asked that I keep writing about what God shows me.
How interesting eh? Two take offense, but one who seriously needed to read those articles is thankful to have read them.
I hope that helped clarify what I meant.
Sisterlisa´s last blog ..Balancing Act
December 5th, 2009 at 12:33 am
Dear Kristine,
I again want to thank you for opening your blog up to such a discussion. However, I will not be leaving any more comments on this post.
Frankly I would prefer if you could just delete my comments. This discussion does not seem to have done any good. It only seemed to spark a threatening comment, accusing both Jocelyn and myself.
This is why we moderate comments and ban people from our blogs: http://aponderingheart.com/blog/?p=51#comment-45131
Sorry if I’ve caused you any trouble, I wish you all only the best.
In Him-
Jacque´s last blog ..Years of Life and Peace
December 6th, 2009 at 6:30 am
Please do not remove this thread. It shows an incredible amount of wisdom.
I did not threat anyone. I was giving a kind and firm warning to the Dixons to let them know they need to be careful, because I love them. It amazes me when a house is on fire and the neighbors scream for them to get help, they see it as a threat. If someone cautioned me that I should change behavior or get a lawyer I’d listen.
I get a lot of letters every month asking me questions about situations that I am not involved with, but that are witnessed all over cyber space about these things. I don’t go looking for people to talk to. They come to me. Perhaps because Jacque and I worked together on GGM for over a year, I don’t know. But when I see people from all over the nation sending me emails asking about legal help I can’t help but to get a message to people I love to let them know to BE CAREFUL. I can’t hold back these people and what they are doing. And I don’t have anything to do with what they are deciding to do. But if people have a clear cut case in a court of law, then that’s their business. But I felt I could help by cautioning them to make changes so they can protect themselves from their own behavior.
Sometimes people don’t see how far they’ve gone until they get legal advice.
December 6th, 2009 at 6:58 am
Now that I have gone to the link she provided, I think it’s only fair to note that my comments of love and caution, which were not a threat, but an admonishment to get legal representation to help themselves, has been hidden by them. I clarified two times, but they don’t allow people to see that part. In Matthew 18 we are to establish a matter, not cut people off from clarifying. That makes the entire situation one sided. In Matthew 18 a mediation is necessary to hear out ALL of the sides so the elders can clearly help communicate for all parties involved. The root needs to be dug out, but sometimes people don’t want those roots exposed. Owning up is being willing to allow the elders to pull the root out so healing can take place. When 2 or 3 witnesses try several times, only to be denied that opportunity to get help, then the matter is taken to the church. Not to hurt the parties involved, but to help them resolve the issues so everyone can heal. There are a lot of people hurting and an incredible failure to have a biblical application of Matthew 18 to take place. Love, mercy, and grace are being offered. But the mediation needs to take place. Many are willing to meet for mediation and believe me, we all have faults, but it needs to take place. All the hurting people are not going to simply go away.
December 6th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Dear MamaArcher,
Again SisterLisa has made it clear that she misunderstands what I have said, and she has shown her high opinion of herself with the rhetoric she continues to dispel. It is unfortunate that SisterLisa is deceived by those parties who have contacted her because they couldn’t control us for the past three years and have now involved her in their drama.
Honestly, if the original family who offended, (notice I say offended, not sinned against), would accept my apology that I gave them three years ago and since then several times and stop walking in unforgiveness, we could all be at peace. The conflict would be resolved and SisterLisa, who has no part in this at all, could stop gossiping with fellow believers about the Dixon family.
My request to delete these comments was in earnest because they have only emboldened SisterLisa in her pride to speak about things she has only heard second and third hand. I requested my comments be deleted because they are not bringing about the peace she says she desires.
I will not address SisterLisa again. My husband has said that if anyone wants to talk about anything, they can call him. And just FYI, if anyone calls, the goal is peace and restoration, not arguing and blame.
Thank you, Kristine. I’m very sorry this had to take place on your blog. We have kept this quiet, regardless of what anyone else says, we have waited for Yahweh’s time for this to end. Others need to do the same.
Thank you dear friend for your support!
Twitter: MamaArcher
Says:
December 6th, 2009 at 11:24 pm
I have received requests to delete comments not only from some involved in this discussion but also in private emails from others. I have received emails that have in my opinion not been very gracious concerning others and I have also received some emails that have been much more gracious than others.
I did not write this post to spark such a heated debate. If the Lord has spoken through these meager words of mine I am thankful but I pray they would be taken to heart for each individual rather than using them simply to justify one’s actions.
I have struggled with what to do concerning the comments. Having been in a situation before where there was conflict and comments were deleted it only resulted in showing an unfair bias to one party or the other. I do not in anyway want to do that. I think it would also remove any accountability for one’s words. If you are not prepared for others to see your words then perhaps they should not be typed. I do, however, ask that you not continue this discussion via my inbox. If you want to continue discussing on my blog just be gracious.
I am trying to be as fair as possible, offering a place of discussion and a simple reminder to graciously and mercifully apply your fingers to your keyboards when you post.
Since much has arisen from this thread I will however be closing this thread from further comments.
My hubby is addressing some of the issues he has seen in play throughout this thread. I encourage you to read it and join in the discussion with open hearts and kind words.
His posting is here, The Cyber “church” and Biblical Peacemaking.