Saying Goodbye
Last year was a very hard year for me in many respects. One of those wounds is becoming fresher by the day. Last year one of my grandmothers passed away. I did not know until afterwards. I have dealt with the anger of not receiving a call until afterwards, wishing I could have seen her before she passed rather than it having been 10 years earlier. I did go to visit the remaining family about 4 months later and picked up a few things that were passed on to me. During the course of that trip I stopped to visit other family including another grandmother. I am so thankful for that visit! This other grandmother has cancer. It was a very brief visit and it was difficult to actually “visit” as there was so much family around. But I was able to hug her and tell her that I loved her.
I received word this week that the cancer has grown and she only has about 3-6 weeks left. I sat down yesterday to writer her a card and just broke down in tears of grief. I am almost wondering which is better….living with the regret and longing of having missed seeing my grandmother before her death (like the one grandmother) OR (actually having to say goodbye (like the other grandmother). Then I find myself wondering if the easier is really the better or not. Maybe dealing with grief one way makes the other way seem easier simply because it has passed and is not as fresh. I do not know. All I know is that my heart is aching once again and I am once again typing a blog post in tears.
Please pray for my family. I am thankful that the Lord is the one who weighs the heart. I am praying that my grandmother will be among the redeemed. I do not have that confidence so please pray for her. Pray for comfort in the weeks ahead. Thank you all!
Tags: Family, grief Posted in Family, grief
May 20th, 2009 at 8:19 am
Praying. It is so hard to loose a family member, let alone to cancer.
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May 20th, 2009 at 8:44 am
One can never truly preare for death and it’s prospect, even for those who we know will be off to a better place as a child of God. I lost my beloved 83 year old in 2000 and knew about it a year before her passing. She was not a believer although I did my best to share Christ with her over the years and duing her last few months on earth. There was no indication that she believe in Jesus and passed as a lost soul. Ironically, I have never grieved for her even though she I loved her dearly.
I’m glad you were able to see your “other” grandmother, even if it is brief.
May 20th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
I will be praying for you and your family regarding your grandmother. Is there any chance you can go back and see her before she passes? It is hard loosing loved ones. I have gone through that with some of my immediate family members.
May 20th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
So sorry for this. I will certainly be keeping you in my prayers.
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May 21st, 2009 at 4:48 am
So sorry you are going through this. I think it’s best to get to say good-bye. My sister-in-law, 38, died of cancer in January, after 6 weeks of hospice. It was a blessing to spend those last precious days with her, visiting, and just before she went home to the Lord, as she was mostly asleep, reading Psalms over her. I’ll always be glad for those moments.
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May 22nd, 2009 at 2:57 am
There is no easy way to say “Goodbye”. I was in Viet Nam when my grandmother lost her battle with cancer. I visited a friend hours before his passing. I was at my mother’s bedside when she went home to the Lord. My strength and my comfort comes from knowing that I will see them again. Death is a part of life and it is never easy to deal with. May God give you the strength, comfort and courage to face each day and rejoice in His divine wisdom.
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May 22nd, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Kristine,
I’m so sorry about both your grandmas. It’s especially difficult without the peace of knowing she is saved. My .02 is – go see her, if you reasonably can. You’ll never be sorry you went, but you may be sorry you didn’t.
Who knows what conversations you may be able to have with her… or others.
Coincidentally, I was just at another website listening to the testimony of a Christian woman in Vancouver who is dying of cancer. It might be too emotionally loaded, right now, for you to want to hear, but it was very encouraging. If you’re interested, the link is
http://deathisnotdying.com/
God be with you,
Julie
Julie’s last blog post..Death is not dying
May 23rd, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Hello! I found your blog through a link at Generation Cedar blog and wanted to comment about loss. I don’t know your circumstances but it sounds as though you would have liked to be close(emotionally)) to the Grandmother who passed away and weren’t able to due to communication in the family. This is so hard. There is a legitimate grieving that we can experience just from that! I am trying to prepare myself to the death of my father (he is 81 and in good health) because he has never allowed me to be close and I already grieve for that loss even while he is still alive. You can grieve. And Christ knows! A tender heart is a precious thing.
I noticed that you have the CREC denomination on your links…are you in such a church? We were in D. Wilson’s church for 7 years and moved to another area where we found another wondrful CREC church across the border in Canada.
Blessings to you today.
May 27th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
I’ll pray for you and the family.
I know the feeling,I have lost all but one Grandmother,my MIL a few months ago,my Grandmother last yr.It’s hard. i pray for peace among you.
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