Answering A Reader
I am a Christian and very open minded. I love children. I go to church
and reas the bible. I’m not perfect but i’m not the devil. My thoughts to you are, you say you have kids because you don’t belive in safe sex. But don’t you think this is selfish of you. Last time i check being selfish was a sin. How can you possibly make enough time and spend time with your kinds if you have os many andyour always pregnant. Don’t you think about them? What is the point of having so many if the next thing your going to be worries about is having another baby. This is not fair to them. God made you a mother to take care of your children not to make them take care of themselves. You have the older kids caring for the little ones. Are you sure this is what God wants you to be doing? This is not me judging you, because that would also be a sin. I’m questioning your theory, and trying to make you ask your self is this is what God really wants for you and your children?Best wishes for you and you little one and big ones. Hope you can make time for the most important things in your life, because life is way to short for your kids to grow up with a mom who’s always pregnant. You’re missing out on the most wonderful things of life.
I am often given this type of response/comment and I can simply say that included in it are a lot of assumptions and misunderstandings.
Many of the assumptions listed are:
- there is not enough time for many children
- pregnancy interferes with what time there is
- that I worry about becoming pregnant
- that I do not care for my children
- that the olders children do everything
- that the children always take care of themselves
- that my convictions are merely a theory
- that I do not make time for the most important things in my life
- that there is something wrong or negative about having a pregnant mother
- that I am missing out on the most wonderful things in life
These are in fact assumptions and not facts. I have more time for my children than most parents who work all day and/or send their children to day care and out to school in addition to extra curricular activities. I do care for my children. Yes, the older children do help out a lot but they by no means do everything or are raising themselves. My children are learning life skills and how to care for others and place them above themselves. What better way to learn selflessness than to be in a postion to place others before themselves. I do not think it selfish of me to have this many children, in fact, I find that idea laughable. This is one argument that baffles me. If I were to have fewer children I would have much more opportunity to put myself first! I am constantly placing the well-being of others before myself. It is often said that the best way to address selfishness is to have a child. I have many!
I do teach my children at home and place them before almost everything else. I would say that I do make time for the most important things in life. I am not missing out on the most wonderful things in life, I am living with them everyday!
I do feel a strong negativity toward pregnancy in your comment. I will admit that I have had some rough pregnancies. This can and does make things difficult. Again, I do not think that this is a bad thing for other children. It gives them the opportunity to see how much I value life, what being a living sacrifice is, and the great love I have for each of my children to endure the physical difficulties that might but do not always accompany pregnancy. Having times when I am not feel well provides great opportunities to sit and read, color, talk, or play with the children when I might otherwise find other things to occupy my time. It is especially good for the children who like to play doctor, nurse, or mother. Prenancy is not a bad thing. Pregnancy as well as children is a blessing.
Lastly, to say I do not believe in safe sex or that my lifestly is merely a theory is to completely miss the whole point. I do not live this way or hold these beliefs as a theory. I believe that sex the way the Lord designed it is indeed safe and I should not have to intervene. Pregnancy within marraige does not fall into the category of unsafe sex.
My husband and I have come to our convictions through the Word, prayer, and leading of the Spirit in accordance with the Word. This is not just a theory. We have scriptural reasons and we believe a Biblical mandate to live as we do.
Unfortunately, so much of the world’s culture has seeped into the church today that many are blinded in so many areas that they do not see the truths that lie within the scripture or have become comfortable enough in the cultural midset to dismiss them.
Posted in Christianity, Conviction, Family, Quiverfull, children, marriage, pregnancy
January 19th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
You are an amazing woman who loves the Lord with all her heart – and husband, and children.Your life is evident to that and I am proud to be your friend. I’m glad to read that those comments don’t stop you from being who God called you to be… that is what makes you amazing, too!
Valerie
Reformed Mama
Twitter: MamaArcher
Reply:
January 19th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Valerie- thank you, I am glad to know that someone does see my love for the Lord and my family. You are such an encouragement to me! Especially when the naysayers do seem to be getting to me.
January 19th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Excellent rebuttal. I respect your convictions. I’m not sure where I fall on the quiverful spectrum but I know it isn’t where your commenter is at. I’m saddened that, as a society and as a church, we no longer view children as a treasure.
We would love to have a house full of kiddos. God gave us two beautiful children…here. My husband had a v but simply because we couldn’t emotionally handle losing anymore. Not sure what I think about all of that. I guess some days I just try not to think about it. Sigh, maybe we weren’t trusting God enough.
Don’t let the naysayers get you down. It has to be hard though to be homeschooling and quiverfull. LOL. Seems like we get it enough just for homeschooling. Add a big family to the mix and you carry a bullseye. Good for you!
Reformed Mama
Twitter: MamaArcher
Reply:
January 19th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Daisy- thank you for your kind comments. I do have strong convictions on things and I do tend to speak my mind about them. What I am glad you see is what so many tend to miss. That being, just because I have strong convictions and zealously share them is not me condemning others or being judgmental towards them it is simply me sharing what the Lord has taught us through His word, Spirit, and prayer. If that is something that strikes a chord in an individual it is not me that is striking blows at them but maybe the Lord at work. I know that the Lord has everyone at different places on this road of sanctification all believers are to travel.
January 19th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Blessings to you! I totally agree with you! We only have 4 children and we even hear some of those things. The comments especially hurt our oldest (8yrs old)…she always wants a baby in the house.
It just amazes me what people will say about children and even that we have 4 girls in front of our girls. I just smile big and say how much of a blessing they are to my husband and me. Have a blessed evening. 
January 19th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Honestly, you were nicer than I would have been…but I’m pregnant and hormonal. So there ya go.
Excellent rebuttal. I agree with Daisy that children are no longer viewed as blessings…and it is indeed sad.
Have a good day Mama!
Reformed Mama
Twitter: MamaArcher
Reply:
January 19th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
I too have noticed that others will say things in front of the children. This to me is just another example of the lack of value that is placed upon children today.
January 20th, 2009 at 5:42 am
Thank you for the post. I have one little boy who will be 2 next month and would love more. My husband is not ready and worries about our financial troubles and the fact that I would like a homebirth next as I had a c-section and feel that is the safest place for me to give birth next time. I appreciate everything that you write about being quiverfull as it challenges me. I even read some of it to my husband. I’m also wondering what became of the quiverfull blogroll? There were a few blogs that I enjoyed following on that. Is there a place where I can find it?
Reformed Mama
Twitter: MamaArcher
Reply:
January 20th, 2009 at 8:37 am
Ruth Marie-
the quiverfull blogroll is still around, I just have not moved it yet. I recently switched to wordpress and am still in the process of making that change. It will be back on here soon but if you want to access it beforeI get it switched you can go to my old blog page (www.mamaarcher.blogspot.com)
January 20th, 2009 at 5:48 am
You know, people complain no matter what you do! God blessed us with one son, only one and I sometimes get “Didn’t you want more?”. To me, it’s not a matter of wanting more than wanting to do God’s will. IF God had chosen for us to have more it would have happened!
You gave a beautiful answer! I will continue to pray for those out there that have nothing better to do than question other’s decisions.
Be blessed,
Terri Sue
Twitter: MamaArcher
Says:
January 20th, 2009 at 8:35 am
Terri Sue- You hit the nail on the head! It is God’s doing in our lives not our decision! I am sorry that you receive those types of comments. I know several other ladies who only have a few but have left it all in the Lord’s hands. It isn’t about how many we have it is about who is making the decisions, it is only the ones with large families such as mind that tend to stick out.
Prayer is what it needed! Thank you for your comments!
January 20th, 2009 at 10:22 am
Well said Mamaarcher. I grew up in a home with only 2 children, and my mom had to work. It got lonely there which gave me a lot of time to feel sorry for myself and perhaps get in trouble if I would have taken the opportunity. A growing family does wonders for children. It fills their time, their heart, their mind and if led in Christ tries their patience for the good. There are so many more benefits to not limiting the family that money and time to yourself are not comparable. Thanks for sharing your prayed-through thoughts.
Sincerely,
Linda
January 21st, 2009 at 10:41 am
I love your beautiful answer.
Mommy Reg’s last blog post..This and That
January 21st, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Wonderful answers.. and I agree 100%. I dont know why people think children suffer when they have many siblings. My children WANT more siblings (so far, we have three children).. and LOTS of them! My daughter is always telling us how we could arrange furniture to fit more bed and such!
They love going through my pregnancies with me, they love helping out with babies… they ENJOY it, just as much as I do.
We’re not missing out on anything! There is nothing more I could want from my (natural) life than this… God has blessed me and I truly ENJOY the life he has given me. I guess not everyone does- and many people think more kids equals more stress, equals less vacations.. and instead, all they can think about is all THEY will be missing out (nicer cars, better this, better that, more vacations, etc etc).
Yes, we’ve had to sacrifice but it is SO worth it!
MandyMom.com’s last blog post..Are we going in alphabetical order?
January 21st, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Bravo! I am astounded at the things have said over the years in front of our children…..the most hurtful was the lecture I got from a fellow patient at the OB office because of my “age” during my last pregnancy. I’d sure like to have that encounter back so that I could actually gather my wits and respond. LOL
De’Etta @ Choosing Joy’s last blog post..
Reformed Mama
Twitter: MamaArcher
Reply:
January 21st, 2009 at 6:49 pm
I often have felt I wish I had the time to think of a great response in the moment but then I came to the realization that maybe God was just keeping me from saying something I would later regret. I do seem to come up with snappy come-backs long after the incident! LOL
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:02 pm
Well said! We’ve gotten a lot of hurtful comments since we had our vasectomy reversed as well, and sometimes it’s hard to let those things roll off your back…but you did a WONDERFUL job of letting the love of God shine through your words! Amen!
Kris’s last blog post..Back to checking the calendar again
January 30th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Kristine,
Many of us get these comments in real life, or in the blogosphere. Thank you for showing us how you answer. I think your answer was not only well thought out, but kind.
And, you are absolutely right that children are a cure for selfishness! I think that is why God has given me four (so far)!
Bethany
Bethany W’s last blog post..Submission
March 3rd, 2009 at 6:05 pm
I particularly liked your argument that you get to spend more time with your kids than the average parent that sends their children to day care and public school– you’re all too right!
MInTheGap’s last blog post..Delayed Kindness