The Myth of "Me Time"
Have you ever stumbled across a blog and thought, “Oh I wish I had written that?”. Well, I have found one of those blogs! I linked to Raising Arrows last week and I will link to her once again. Here is an excerpt, please take the time to read the rest. Leave her a comment telling her you came from here and please return and let me know what you think of this latest posting.
Me Time is a myth. It is an unattainable, always interruptible, never satisfactional piece of junk psychology. Me Time, by its very name, suggests that who we are during the daily grind is not WHO we truly are. It tells us that we are someone other than “WIFE” or “MOTHER.” It begs us to search for fulfillment outside of those titles. It blames precious little ones and God-given spouses for suppressing us. It reduces motherhood to a disease in which the life is slowly being sucked out of us by tiny dirty faces and endless monotonous tasks. It says you can never be refreshed by spending time in the presence of those you care for day in and day out. It points out a perceived “hole” in your world that needs to be filled, a tank that must be fueled up, a monster that will swallow you lest you neglect to feed it precious Me Time. But, it will never be enough. Anything else you seek to fill that emptiness will fall miserably short. Only God can fill what you are aching for.
Me Time is a myth. It is an unattainable, always interruptible, never satisfactional piece of junk psychology. Me Time, by its very name, suggests that who we are during the daily grind is not WHO we truly are. It tells us that we are someone other than “WIFE” or “MOTHER.” It begs us to search for fulfillment outside of those titles. It blames precious little ones and God-given spouses for suppressing us. It reduces motherhood to a disease in which the life is slowly being sucked out of us by tiny dirty faces and endless monotonous tasks. It says you can never be refreshed by spending time in the presence of those you care for day in and day out. It points out a perceived “hole” in your world that needs to be filled, a tank that must be fueled up, a monster that will swallow you lest you neglect to feed it precious Me Time. But, it will never be enough. Anything else you seek to fill that emptiness will fall miserably short. Only God can fill what you are aching for.For the rest of this article…………………Go Here!
Posted in Quiverfull
November 24th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
Me time? What’s that?? I love the article. I also love the new blog you introduced me to. Good stuff. My husband walked in on me in the restroom with my little girl pulling at me… he said “Honey, close the door next time” and all I could say is “There’s a door?”. I haven’t done that for… well, I don’t know. My “Me time” is “Our time” and I LOVE it!!!
Valerie
November 24th, 2007 at 10:03 pm
LOL!
I can so relate to that! I often have to take my 15 month old with me and set her on the floor. “mommy will be done in just a minute!”
November 25th, 2007 at 1:22 am
Kristine – I have often read your blog posts and find your perspective on family, motherhood, and Christianity so similar to that which has been my life’s commitment. As an “older” mom, however, there are some times when I wish I could put my arms around you and give you a hug . . . . and tell you that, even when we put our entire heart and soul into ministering to others, things just don’t always turn out the way we want them to. I would love to have a conversation with you sometime. I, too, am from a very conservative Christian community, I am a graduate of Calvin College in Grand Rapids, MI so I am very familiar with covenantal and reformed theology . . . . so we are coming from much the same vantage point on life and faith. If you have a minute, please pop over to my blog and read my response to your post as well as to the post at Raising Arrows, and perhaps this could be the beginning of a dialogue about this topic. I truly appreciate you sharing your thoughts and ideas on your blog, and please know that I have read your blog often even though this is the first time I have commented. Hope we can chat! Nina
November 25th, 2007 at 2:26 am
I’m torn on her post. I do think “me time” has become an excuse used by many for many wrong reasons. On the other hand, honestly I have never met one person who hasn’t at some time taken some kind of break to just run to the store real quick, or sat down to read a book, or let their spouse help them with the children. These things can be said to be me time just as much as any other thing. Actually, even as I type this I’m saying please give me just a moment to finish typing this so I don’t lose my train of thought..LOL. Doesn’t it then make it just a bit judgemental to say its a myth and we don’t really need it?
Jesus tried to get away from everyone when John was beheaded because he was grieved at this loss of the one person who probably understood and knew what He was about best. However, the multitudes followed Him. He was moved with compassion towards them and so he put off his “alone time” temporarily. He did eventually get to go off by himself and pray. And quickly again was pressed into service to helping the disciples on the boat. I don’t believe the idea in general is wrong and must be tempered with what is happening around you. I mean, Jesus felt the need to get away. We aren’t Jesus and we aren’t probably going to go spend our whole time in prayer but it seems a little weird to say its a bad thing and a myth.
As mothers, we are there on a daily basis guiding and teaching our children. Many times we feel overwhelmed and this leads to a feeling of just needing to get away to refresh ourselves, if only for a moment. Sometimes, we have to put that “alone time” off until a crisis has been averted but in general I don’t think there is anything wrong with it when it is tempered with a lifestyle that is pleasing to God. Many times if we just take the time to be compassionate towards others and their needs then that is a remedy for our own feelings of a need for being alone just for a little bit. I think many times we can even help our friends by blessing them with some shared friendship before they have a crisis in their life… kind of refresh them before they even know they are going to need it..
I’m not always good with my words and not sure my point got across acurately but I hope so…
Sallie
November 25th, 2007 at 3:18 am
I posted this on Nina’s site as a response, I will repost here to address this as well.
I am not saying we do not necessarily need time to ourselves. I do take time for myself on occasion. I take time to have a bubblebath every now and then or run to the store or take a Bible study. My um…(looking for the correct word)..irritation (maybe)..is that the culture has drilled it into women that we are being shorted by being a wife and a mother, that those are merely roles we fill rather than a part of who we are. There have been times when I have needed to take a walk in the cold air to calm my nerves and I take those moments. We all need moments. I guess I do not see taking small moments as being the same as “me time”, time AWAY from my family. I have noticed that when I make a point of having time (rather than moments)or focus on all that I “seem” to be missing out on it does lead to resentment. Selfishness.
I do take some time for myself, I just do not feel obligated to do so on a regular basis to feel as if I am an individual person.
I like the scriptures you used and see the validity of your point, maybe I disagree with what is considered “me time” and what is considered a quick potty break or breather.
November 25th, 2007 at 4:52 am
I have read things on several blogs and have an honest question to ask. Is it judgmental to say someone else is judgmental?
Sammy
November 25th, 2007 at 5:48 am
I was actually speaking of myself in my comment…
As in, if I am in agreement with the post, but yet I am sitting there saying “give me a minute” aren’t I being judgemental/hypocritical in saying its a myth and we don’t need time to ourselves…
November 25th, 2007 at 5:53 am
I just wanted to pop over here and copy my post in response to Nina. I think this is a wonderful opportunity for moms to discuss, clarify and encourage!
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Hello! I am most certainly open to dialogue on this topic! Thank you for being so gracious.
What I am most concerned about is that when women think they are “owed” this Me Time, they will begin to see the life of a wife and mother as a job that doesn’t truly reflect WHO they are. Even you yourself suggested this when you say, “God made us each as unique individuals, and we all have gifts, talents, and abilities. And if we do not allow those God-given abilities, dreams, goals, and desires to grow a bit, I think we’ve looked into the face of God, and refused His grace.”
The very thought I was hoping to get across is that I can be creative within the role of mother and wife. Caring for a home and children should not be a drain on my creativity or individuality. Therefore, I should not be on a quest to “find myself” outside these roles. These roles should help to DEFINE ME. My creativity and individuality should be honed and refined within my home.
Wouldn’t it be absolutely beautiful if we could all be ourselves w/ our children–our creative, unique selves–instead of Super Mom who works herself so hard she MUST be recharged elsewhere?
I am also not saying I don’t think a mother should go somewhere by herself. What I am saying is that this alone time should not be a frantic NEED. We should not spend our days trying to get away from the children. We should find ways to make our time w/ our children and husband satisfying, so that when opportunities arise to go for coffee w/ a friend or to a baby shower or some such thing, we don’t see it as something we HAVE to have in order to continue to function. We all know the disappointment of thinking we HAVE to do something and then not being able to. Wouldn’t it be nice to see those “outside” things as something extra and not something we DESERVE?
I have been so thankful for what I am seeing in my life since changing my attitude toward this alusive “me time.” I am listening to my children more. I am spending more time w/ them. Evenings have become a blessed FAMILY time instead of a desperately selfish escape time.
Does this clarify a bit?
November 25th, 2007 at 6:58 am
Sallie- thanks for clarifying that for me. As I reread, I can see your point.
Sammy
November 25th, 2007 at 7:08 am
As I look over all of the things said, I really do not think we are all in disagreement. No one has said that no time alone/out is wrong. It is when one feels they “absolutely must have their downtime to function as a complete individual” that it is out of balance.
I know there are people who deal with depression amongst other things. This is something that I can relate to since I have clinical depression and anxiety disorder and deal with that on a daily basis. Therefore I do have to make it a point to take a short breather every now and then. I have seen the extreme though, when it is used as an excuse to have time to oneself. (selfishly)
A short time to refresh is not in my opinion the same as “I have to have MY time to be a fulfilled individual”. I think we should be able to rest in the calling of wife and mother AND be fulfilled in that.
We live in such an individualistic society that I believe that is partially where this idea of having to have “my time” comes from. Our society says you have to make something of yourself and that being a wife and a mother is not good enough. The more we strive for or seek for more above our calling the more we fight against the Lord’s plan for us and we are less contented and less satisfied.
November 25th, 2007 at 7:24 am
Well, I almost did say in my original comment that I think the whole me time thing comes calling the loudest from moms who work (as I experienced multiple times this week) and always tell me they couldn’t homeschool because they couldn’t stand being around their kids all the time and need that time out… but again that seemed judgemental so I left it out until now
November 25th, 2007 at 7:32 am
Sallie- I do tend to agree with you on that statement (but not as a blanket statement of course)
)
I think the very last sentence in my last comment(“The more we strive for or seek for more above our calling the more we fight against the Lord’s plan for us and we are less contented and less satisfied.”) addresses exactly what you just wrote.
November 25th, 2007 at 5:06 pm
Good morning ladies! I’m up early for a few minutes of quiet time
) before the girls get up and things get pretty busy around here on Sunday mornings. I have to say I am SO impressed with all of you young mothers who are so wise and dedicated to your calling as wife and mom. THAT is exactly how I felt when I was a young mom . . . . especially back during a time when those of us who made the choice to be a stay-at-home-mom were considered “too incompetent to do anything else.” And, yes, that is how we were treated 30 years ago! So, I’m sure you can see that there was a great deal of confusion and contention – and pressure to do and be something else besides “just mom.”
That was such a difficult experience, and if anything, it made me even more determined to use all of my energy, creativity, and abilities to be the mom that God wanted me to be. So I did that for 25 years . . . . but all I want you to know is that my heart aches for those of you who are pouring your heart and soul into this, the MOST important job a woman could ever have (even if she, indeed, does have another career at some point in her life!) – because in reality, as I said before, life does not always turn out the way we think it will, the way we want it to, the way we really, really, really believe it should, the way we pray it will.
For me, after 25 years of praying and living my life the way I knew God wanted me to (with lots of mistakes along the way, of course!) . . . . everything fell apart. Now, that is another story for another day that we can perhaps discuss. But, I’m just reaching out to you all who are so devoted to your families, to say that I know the pain of losing all that you’ve given your life for, and in the end if all you have is your relationship with the Lord, that might need to be enough. I know this is kind of long and disjointed, because it is impossible to express everything in such a short context, but please know that my heavy heart for you all is from genuine love and a calling in my heart that I believe is from God, to speak to other moms about caring for your own soul needs.
Hope this makes some sense . . . just know that I am so grateful to you all for joining this conversation and that it has remained gracious and not turned contentious. We can learn so much from each other if we but truly listen to the hearts of those we are striving to touch. Thanks for listening! Have a wonderful Lord’s Day, and I remain hopeful that this conversation can be used of God to be a blessing to all of us. Nina
November 26th, 2007 at 6:31 am
I want to thank you for contributing to the conversation. We can learn so much from each other and encourage each other. I too am glad that the discussion remained friendly, it is often easy for things to get out of hand. I think things were handled with love and grace.
Hebrews 10:24 And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works