Teach Your Children To Forgive
This seems a basic lesson for us but maybe for others it is not. How many times have you had your children apologize for a wrong they have committed? Many I am sure. One thing we have taught our children is to also name the sin for which they are apologizing. This is an attempt at removing the non -repentance of a simple I’m sorry type of apology or an apology that only says I’m sorry I was caught.
We also go a step further. After an apology has been given we ask the one offended to forgive and the forgiven one to say thank you. This may seem trivial to some or just plain unnecessary but I think it is a very important lesson to teach. Children need to learn to be forgiving, sometimes we do not always feel like forgiving one another but it is something that we need to learn to do. People will always disappoint us, we need to have a forgiving spirit.
Colossians 3:13b if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
Another reason that we have our children say the actual words, “I forgive you”, is that these words offer a finality.
Webster 1828 1. To pardon; to remit, as an offense or debt; to overlook an offense, and treat the offender as not guilty. The original and proper phrase is to forgive the offense, to send it away, to reject it, that is, not to impute it, [put it to] the offender. But by an easy transition, we also use the phrase, to forgive the person offending.
Once you have forgiven someone you cannot pull that up and sling it at them once more. Those words should be binding. It is also a way to protect yourself from bitterness. Have you ever been in a tense situation only to have your past wrongdoings thrown back in your face? For someone to simply say things like: “I am sure you are sincere” or “Thank you for your apology”, is not the same as offering forgiveness. This still leaves one wondering, there is power in the word and action of forgiveness. What if God were to only say to sinners: “I am sure you are sincere” or “Thank you for your apology”, it would not be enough, sinners need to be forgiven. As Christians we are to be like Christ. We are to be a forgiving people.
This is what I am attempting to teach my children. How do you teach your children to have a forgiving heart?
Posted in Family, Forgiveness, Train Up a Child
November 8th, 2007 at 7:37 pm
We do it exactly the same way as your family does! I was just telling a friend yesterday that we have a young family we need to teach this to.
BTW…I’ve been reading your blog and subbed to it thru bloglines! Nice to meet you!
November 8th, 2007 at 8:52 pm
Trish- that is so neat that you use the same approach to teaching your children as we do! What an encouragement! I am so glad that you are reading the blog regularly, that makes me smile!!
Have a blessed day!
November 8th, 2007 at 9:11 pm
It’s easy for the children to want to just say “it’s ok” but we try to stear them away from that because whatever it was obviously wasn’t ok. We always know it is sincere when they automatically move to give hugs to each other.
If something is brought up from the past, Mike and I try to say “NO, we are not going there. That is in the past and over with.” That isn’t always easy and we have to work on it ourselves too. It’s a continual everyday process.
November 8th, 2007 at 10:02 pm
Great post. This is something that even adults need to learn… and keep learning. We are instilling the same values with our children.
Valerie
November 9th, 2007 at 3:23 am
Gunny was here. Good post… sis.
November 9th, 2007 at 4:22 am
We need to do better at this. Now if I could just get my kids to “feel” sorry when they offend others… oy.. .
November 9th, 2007 at 5:38 am
You inspire me to be a better parent.
I tagged you this time! Come by and play along!
November 9th, 2007 at 7:15 am
Reformed Grits, I guess alot of prayer would be the best for that! *smile* I have struggled with that as well.
Jenn- Thank you so much for the encouraging words!!! You have been such a blessing to me today!
November 9th, 2007 at 4:42 pm
I also started doing this with my girls within the last two years. They name the offense when they apologize, looking into the other person’s face. Then the offended one says I forgive you. And then I would say, “Show each other that you mean your words.” Then they know to hug. Now that we have been doing this for a while, I don’t usually have to remind them to “show each other.” But sometimes the feelings are very tender and they resist the hug. But I have found that by the end of the hug they are usually smiling or laughing and planning their next adventure! That really makes me smile!
In Him, Eva
November 9th, 2007 at 4:54 pm
Eva,
Thanks for sharing, there are many times that I have had my children do that same things (hug). I do not always force that, about half of the time, I guess. I am not as consistent with that as I am the other stuff.
February 10th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Good morning:
Thanks for contributing this post to this week’s Carnival of Family life, hosted at Health Plans Plus!
Excellent post about a behavior that should be automatic but most often is not. Great reminder.
Be sure to stop by the Carnival tomorrow and check out the other wonderful entries!
JHS
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