Children Need Limits & Parents Who Enforce Them!
What are we teaching our children? Sitting at the hospital this week, I watched a mother deal with a son. The situation is one I have witnessed often. It is a sad story to be true. Her son was a wild one for sure, running, jumping and punching walls. She would yell at him, he would grin and continue on. She would threaten him, he would grin and continue on. She would drag him into the hall and tell him out there to stop, he would return with a grin and continue on. She would set him in time out, he would get right up and continue on. Time out again only presented a repeat performance. Finally, she asked him……”you don’t think I am serious do you?” His reply to her shock (not mine) was..”NO!” accompanied by a laugh.
Why should she be surprised not only at his behavior but also by his response? As a parent we must make sure we mean what we say and say what we mean. Empty threats and unenforced discipline is of no value. Children need limits. They also need to know that their parents are strong enough and willing to enforce those limits. With discipline that is consistent and unavoidable. They need to know that their parents care enough to do what needs to be done even if it is not the easiest thing to do.
My dilemma is trying to find a tactful way of answering when they ask me how I get my children to be so well behaved! Any ideas????
Posted in Train Up a Child
October 18th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
My answer on those good days, when I’m asked? “Consistency and prayer”, said in a loving tone (opposed to accusatory). It’s NEVER failed to bring on more conversation with the other mother, and an opportunity to witness Christ’s Love to her, as well.
Just what I do.
October 18th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
good answer! I may have to use that!
I guess it is hard because I have dealt with some people, when no matter how nicely it is said, when they realize they are not doing something the way they realize they should be they become defensive because they do not really want to have to change.
October 18th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
God must be leading us both in the same direction…. very weird..
Sallie
October 18th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
The reason behind my last comment Teaching Our Children To Become Fools… my post from yesterday afternoon… I think we are in a season where God is bringing to mind the same things among many Christians…
October 18th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
Very well said. Even is a parents doesn’t approve of corporal punishment there are plenty of other ways to punish a misbehaving child. Most parents just aren’t willing to put in the effort involved in making sure a child doesn’t watch television that night, or play with their favorite toy, etc.
One of the best things my parents did for me was punish me when I deserved it.
October 18th, 2007 at 8:26 pm
I love mamabeck’s response!
In addition to loving limits, children need loving relationships with their parents. I’m afraid some Christian parents get so focused on “consistency” that they overlook the need to build loving bonds with their kids. Without them, obedience can tend to be exterior only.
The world often confuses indulgence with love, when actually enforcing limits is the more loving response to irritating/sinful behavior.
BTW, the site looks wonderful!
October 18th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
Rebecca,
You are so correct! If we are building loving relationships with our children, they tend to handle discipline better. Our Heavenly Father is like that as well, when He disciplines us, we know it is out of His love for us because we have that loving relationship. Again, back to that heart thing. :0)
Indulgence is definitely not love.
Lynn/Vigelant20,
Sadly I think I also agree with you , in that many parents do not want to put in the effort that it takes. It is not always a fun and easy job, but it is necessary if we love our children.
Sallie,
too funny. I know that having well disciplined children (in heart as well as in actions) is a testimony to others.
October 18th, 2007 at 10:59 pm
Yes, both areas. It is one of those things that when you do it, it bleeds over to other areas. Just like when you don’t do it, it bleeds over to other areas. Every aspect has to be connected with the ultimate focus on God.
October 19th, 2007 at 8:54 am
We once met a woman who admired our children but said she could never stand to have a large family.
“I only have one, and most days I want to hit him in the head.”
My sweet husband put on his most charming smile and told her, “Ma’am, we hit ours on the other end so we won’t *want* to hit them on the head.”
October 19th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Kim-
That is so funny! I can see Perry saying that! Blunt and too the point, too! *smile*