MamaArcher's Blog

Teaching to the Heart

Teaching to the heart is something that my husband and I have learned along the way in our parenting adventure. When we were newly married and raising our first child. I was 19 and hubby was 22 when our first child was born. We married at 18 & 21. We really had not talked about how we would raise a child. We simply followed examples around us and did what was expected. As we have grown as parents and in our relationships with the Lord, a lot of things have changed.

I truly believe that some of the difficulties we have faced, and not too many, were because we focused more on the outer behavior than on the heart. Especially with our first child. Outward obedience was the main goal. Please do not misunderstand, outward obedience is extremely important but should not be the main or ultimate goal.
Have you ever seen an obedient child full of resentment and disrespect for the parent or any authority figure for that matter? It also leads to a “it is okay as long as I don’t get caught attitude”. Right and wrong is determined by the outward viewing of behavior. So if no one sees then it is okay.

This scripture hit me in a completely different way one day…

1 Samuel 16:7b
for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

If God looks at the heart then maybe as a parent I should look to the heart as well and not just the outward appearance. I began to look at disciplining my children in a whole new light. I began to look at the root of the problem. Why did my child behave that way? Yes, we would discipline for the actually hitting of his sister but we would ask questions.
“Why did you hit your sister?”
The replies might be: I was angry, I want that toy, she was bugging me.
We would in turn respond with:
Anger: Ephesians 4:26a Be angry and yet do not sin. Or Proverbs 14:29 Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.
I want: Romans 15:2 Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. Or Galatians 6:10 So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.
She was bugging me: Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

When we began to teach to the heart for things such as: selfishness, self-control, anger, pride, envy, disrespect, and so on. Tackling those “hidden” sins and using scripture to address them we found that most all of the outward behavioral sins were fewer and fewer. Most of the outward is an overflow of the inward. If we take care of the weed’s root then the weed cannot grow, but just picking a dandelion does not keep it from returning. You must get the root!

Psalm 51:10 says Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

This is a prayer that as a parent I pray over and over again and I also pray this for my children. As I teach then, at the heart of their sin and use the Word of God to address it, I pray for the Lord to create a clean heart within them, and the rewards are immeasurable and far out way a child that is simply outwardly obedient with a hardened heart.

I encourage you to search the scriptures and to re-evaluate how you are teaching and training your children. All Christian parents, myself included, are not perfect, we need the grace of God to accomplish the great task which He has given to us!